Not adjusting to Unmotivated Husband

by Liaura
(Michigan)

Hello to all-


My husband and I are retired. It's been a real rollercoaster. While it's been nice having time to travel, when we're not, he seems lost.

He waits for me to plan things, and expects me to be his CONSTANT companion. He has little motivation to do anything...no friends, no hobbies, no life.

I have sent him to a therapist, had his only friend try to intervene, and yet, there he sits on his cell phone.

I have projects and a life to live. I can't keep trying to motivate him. Although it makes me sad, I realize that he is making his own choices, and I cannot be his answer.

Why won't he help himself? He could find SOMETHING to do without me.

Comments for Not adjusting to Unmotivated Husband

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Do Your Own Thing
by: John A. / Tyler, TX

You can't help someone who does not want to be helped. Trying to do so is like banging your head against a concrete wall. You only hurt yourself.

I suggest doing your own things in life and plan on doing them without the hubby. You don't need a boat anchor in life to keep you down. If the hubby sees you moving on with life without him, perhaps he will have a change in attitude. But, I would not count on it.

Unmotivate Husband
by: Roadrunner53

Consider moving to the Villages in FL. There are tons of clubs your Hub can join and you too.

It is like Disney World for old people!

Response to comments
by: Liaura

Love the idea about a pre-retirement seminar.
As for the separation idea- one day a week would be great. This is ultimately what I have been seeking. Everyone needs space. I think that retirement has bred socialphobia I my husband, which really surprised me.


Unmotivated husband
by: Elna Nugent. Mass

Dear L in Michigan;

I wish your letter could be distrubuted around the USA or the world for that matter--in order to help initiate a special-- no kidding around orientation group-- that can "save "soon to be retired single men and husbands ""WHILE THEY ARE STILL WORKING"....maybe a year or two before they they do. Men need each other to compare notes and find a new way of life.

Your husband is too late for this now, but thank God for this retirement community. He needs to find out who he is -and get to know himself.

What is important about this community is he gets to hear the pleas of the wives who have to deal with these husbands..and sometimes vice versa. This is one of our most important learning curves....like being in kindergarten again.

Me too!
by: Jefferson

My better half has the same problem with me. I moved in with her about four years ago. In the town where I lived, I was busy and had things to do and most of it was volunteer work. However when I came to this new town, I found my services were not needed and I was not needed. It hurt!

Today I am with people and doing things across the state. What changed was realizing I had to change, and this was hard. Doing things alone and meeting people alone was not easy but I kept working at it.

So don't give up, something is bound to be of interest to him down the road.

CHOICES
by: Loyce!

Lead your life your way and focus on yourself.

Judge Judy's Wisdom
by: Linda/Nevada

When Judge Judy hears cases about spouses complaining about each other, she always makes me laugh.

She always reminds them that they picked them and a gun was not pu to their head. The problem with marriage is that in most cases each party loses 50% control over their life. Maybe a separation would do both of you some good.

Being a nurse and a purse is no way to live the last years of your life.

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