Only fools and horses work

by Dave
(Glasgow scotland)

After working for 37 years, I decided 6 months ago that life really was too short (my friend and colleague passed away, after working with him for 35 years. )

Bereft doesn't describe how I felt and I decided then and there too hand my notice to quit in and leave, no notice, no month lay time just go .

Madness I hear you say ,well maybe, but in the last 6 months I have seen USA for 3 weeks from San Fransisco to Los Angeles and every where in between, a few week holidays in Europe and 5 new hobbies from kite flying to hill walking .

So at 54 my new life has begun, next year I get a pension and a nice lump sum and life is good apart from 1 thing ... my wife doesn't want to see the world or even leave the house apart from going to shopping malls or going to work and it's driving me crazy.

She thinks retirement should be sitting down in slippers and drinking tea . I'm more let's go to a concert, get drunk, eat, get drunk again, then move on to the next concert.

I hope it works out but I have real doubts...

Comments for Only fools and horses work

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by: Dave

Hi all, just an update. Since writing my retirement story . 4 weeks ago we decided mutually to have a trial separation, I have rented an apartment.

Anyhoo things are better but not in our marriage, we both realise that we no longer love each other, although we still care about each other . We have done couples counselling but it was a waste of money .

Now I have a purpose with no anchor, I have my daily routine and my weekend socialising plans. My wife does her own thing and in the last 4 weeks we have met 3 times but we really have nothing to say . My kids (adults) are actually happier than b4 as they were stuck on the sides now we meet up once a week , catch up , go for a meal and they do the same with there mum .

Divorce may happen but that it would be financial suicide for us both. I think we will just stay separated unless one of us finds a new partner .

So we have 32 years of living together finished because of retirement but life moves on .

Just a thought...
by: Wendy,

Dave, Something you just said made me think maybe your wife is "off" a bit as she is aging.

Maybe a bit depressed? Maybe a bit of dementia beginning? Sometimes, as we age, we DO change...

My dad likes to get "out" but he usually stays in the car (even in winter, blanket on his lap), rarely speaks much any more, loses himself in whatever food is placed before him. He is a very different man today...

You might google the "beginning stages of dementia" or something just to watch for things that might make this mystery less so.

Fast paced life
by: Dave

Hi guys thanks for comments. especially D . If I can put thus all in context , my wife works 2 days a week and before I retired I worked 5 days plus an on call 24 hour for a gas company .we had 3 or 4 holidays a year and about 5 or 6 ling weekends away .

Now I have retired my wife doesn't want to go away as often or go out as often . She bought a puppy even though I am allergic to dog fur ,her reason I was always out now but she literally dies her 2 days then stays at home with dog or goes to the mall.

I have offered holidays ,breaks away and new hobbies we can both do the reply so far has been the dog needs to be cared for . The 3 weeks in USA was her idea as where the 2 weeks in Europe.

I cut her a break all the time ,she says that because I have so much free time that it is unfair that she needs to join me .

Before retirement I had 1 day a week to myself for meeting pals ,etc etc but now I have 7 days and I fill my tome well but it seems that 7 days off Dave is too much for my wife .

Anyhoo again thanks for comments .

Ps my wife was my soul mate always up for clubs and gigs and holidays ,now it seems her soul mate is her dog and house .

Give your Wife A Break
by: d

Is this some kind of a surprise that your wife is not interested in a fast paced crazy life. The woman is still working! May she just wants to kick back and enjoy a peaceful life. Was it always lack of communication between you two? Just saying'

Only fools and horses work
by: Lisa/Canada

Your story sounds a lot like mine. I did the same, just decided one day that life was too short, work was so stressful, and after thirty years with the company I quit my job!

I too had a spouse that didn't want to do anything which made life boring. Unfortunately you will have to find what interests you, and do those things either alone or with a friend.

Don't give up...keep moving forward with your goals! Best of luck!

Repsonse to: Only Fools & Horses Work
by: Ken / San Diego CA

I totally agree with your position of retiring early and not even giving your boss a notice et. I semi-retired at 55 and decided to travel, and do things while I had the energy and 'youth'.

I then ended up working part time for my friend's company for about 8 years just to keep some routine - good thing they decided to move to Texas (I live in San Diego CA) - that then completed the deal of being 'fully retired'

I enjoy the freedom, still can travel, financially planned etc. IF your wife prefers to stay home, watch tv, etc. then just tell her "Bye honey, I'm leaving for a month in Thailand, see you when I get back... want any souvenirs? ;-)

Slow down and work out a plan together
by: Michael D. Bell, REALTOR®, Venice Florida

Please accept my condolences on the death of your friend and colleague. Do you think that perhaps wanting to do so much in such a short period of time is a sudden reaction to your friend's death? A death of someone close to us brings up many questions.

-- What is my life about?
-- How much time do I have left?
-- What do I want to do and accomplish in the time I have left?

Sit down with your wife and have a conversation about what both of you want. There has to be compromise on both sides.

She may have a timeline of her own in mind, and is not ready to retire and travel now, but might be willing to do so in a few years. And, you may need to slow down a bit and not worry about seeing the world in 80 days or less.

Work out a plan together. And, if she is not willing to be a part of the plan, then you may have to fulfill your plan on your own terms.

You may have to take vacations by yourself or with friends. I love to ride my bicycle 40 miles every day. It is not important to my husband to do so. So, off I go on my 3 hour daily journey, and he fills his time with his hobbies.

Just remember to be true to yourself, but also to take time out to share the journey together.

I love your version of retirement!
by: Junebug in WI

Live it up; you have earned it. Five years retired, I decided sitting in a chair was not fulfilling so I do,chair yoga twice a week and I joined a gym to get fit. Hoping to build the stamina needed to travel and work with my two big dogs.

Go for you say life it short!

Combine the two
by: Recluse/home + out

Maybe a combination comprise like occasionally sit home in slippers with tea and sometimes get out to concerts etc, but probably without the "drunk" part.

I find that there's more to enjoy in life when seen through clear eyes and mind with a relaxed heart.

by: We-Zer

Dave, sounds like you have really kicked up your heels in the last 6 months! Good for you!

As far as your wife goes, you might need to have a long talk with her and tell her what is on your bucket list and ask her what is on hers. Ask her to try some things on your list and you try some on her list.

Perhaps if you planned one of your hikes but modified it to a picnic, it might appeal to her more. Maybe she wants to go to an aerobic class and that isn't your cup of tea. You could try it to please her, then maybe plan to go to a coffee shop afterwards for a 'cup of tea' and snack.

You both need to give and take. If she isn't into wild concerts tell her that is okay and find a fellow enthusiast to go with. Not everything in life we have to do with our partners.

My husband has had opportunities to go to Yankee Stadium by bus. It is kind of an expensive outing and I do not appreciate sports so usually I have declined to go. But he went with friends and other people he knew. He had fun and I got to do something mundane at home. I was happy he went and happy I didn't go!

So maybe you could plan some activities that she would like if you mold your interests around hers. If she likes to shop, there are tons of places to shop everywhere you travel! Good luck!

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