(Sant Ross California)
My name is SAM and I am very nervous about retiring as a public school teacher for almost 32 years.
Almost my full self esteem has been wrapped up in being a teacher and I am very nervous about retiring and feeling lost, without direction and depressed.
My mother was forcibly retired at 65 and her life become very very very DEPRESSED UNTIL SHE DIED 10 years later. I feel I have the same genetic make up although I have evolved a great deal more than my mother.
I am 66 years old and would like to work one more school year but I kind of think that this MAY be my last year-retiring in June.
I am at war with myself trying to decide whether to retire this year. There a constant battle in me because I want to put off the dread of retiring although financially I could do it this year.
I wish I had some other job to HOLD ON to during this ongoing transition or something that I could be excited about. i have some interests but they are only interests and my whole life has been based on being a teacher and the self esteem that accompanies that teacher position in life.
I want to still feel I have a purpose-something more than spiritual, something to want to get up in the morning and be productive and still make money.
The money part is the accountability I would have to the job , my life self esteem and purpose for living. I desperately want to avoid getting very depressed by lack of purpose and focus in my life.
Any suggestions about what I should do-whether to retire this year or not-if I do -what can I REALLY do to avoid a terrible depression which I feel is already coming on I also have to say that teaching has not been easy but I battled through it sometimes with enthusiasm, sometimes not.
I have a very strong spiritual background. My wife would like me to retire but would let me work if I do not unload on her after work each day. I also have a Mother in law who recently took a terrible fall and is in rehab and we do not know whether she will recover or not-this is not an easy time in my life although I am very lucky to have good things in my life too.
Additionally I would like to drop the whole teacher self esteem and just be me -- how can I get there where I am just me, not the teacher me, and be happy?
Thank you for reading this.