Relationship insights for men

by Elliott Katz

After getting divorced I asked myself: What do I have to learn from this? And so began my journey seeking wisdom on being a man in a relationship.

I started by talking to other men. The more I listened to them, the more I realized I wasn’t the only one confused. I read relationship books but they didn’t really answer my questions.

Then I turned to the teachings that over the centuries fathers and other older men taught younger men. I was blown away. They were so fresh and relevant – as if they written today. And they apply to retired men as much as they apply to young men starting to date.

I wrote a book to share what I learned and it is striking a chord around the world. The book, called Being the Strong Man A Woman Wants: Timeless wisdom on being a man , has been translated into 24 languages by publishers in Europe, Asia, Latin America and Africa.

Here are some lessons I learned.

Be a man with a plan

A lot of men think they’re being non-controlling nice guys when they say to their wives, “Whatever you want. You decide.” They don’t realize that the woman is frustrated that the man is leaving all responsibilities on her. A woman told me that when she always has to tell a man what to do, it makes her feel like he is a child and she is his mother. And she doesn’t want to be his mother.

When you see a situation that has to be dealt with, step forward and suggest a plan and ask for your wife’s input. This applies even to going on a date. Don’t ask her to plan every date. Take the time to find something you would both enjoy doing and suggest it. It will make her feel special.

Take responsibility

Some men also think that by letting their wives make the decisions or giving in to something their wives wanted, they avoid responsibility if it goes wrong and can blame her.

The interesting thing that I learned about men blaming their wives is that it has been going on literally since Adam blamed Eve for him eating the Forbidden Fruit. Don’t make the mistake Adam made. Take responsibility for what is going on in your home. If you blame your wife she may lose respect for you.

Control your emotions

Being strong is not about controlling others. It’s about controlling yourself. If you blow up in anger, you may seriously damage your relationship. Being able to choose how we respond to a situation is what makes us human. If you feel yourself getting angry, walk away and deal with it later. Pretend your cell phone is ringing and it’s your old boss. You’d be able to immediately calm down to talk to them, wouldn’t you?

Will these lessons make a difference? A divorced woman commented, “If my husband had understood these crucial truths, our marriage of 38 years would not have disintegrated.” If you feel your relationship could benefit, try implementing these insights and see the difference.

Elliott Katz is the author of
Being the Strong Man A Woman Wants: Timeless wisdom on being a man
which is available on Amazon as a paperback, and as an ebook on Kindle, ibooks and Kobo. His website is

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