Retired from life (husband is alcoholic)

by Gen

Wow, looks like I have some company.


My husband decided to retire about 5 years ago at the age of 54. Yep, you got that right - and no he couldn't afford it. He just wanted to.

So, instead of getting a lucrative contract position to pad the coffers, he gets a part-time job very below his skill set.

The first 2 years were not too horrible; however, the last 2 have been terrible.

I am now saddled with 80% of the bills, child-rearing, most all the cleaning, most all meal prep and I have to work full time and take care of a parent with dementia.

Oh, and the most important thing - he is a functional alcoholic that has stopped functioning. So he has climbed into a bottle, leaves the burners on, falls down, does weird things.

After 16 years of marriage, I am done.

Comments for Retired from life (husband is alcoholic)

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Do Your Best
by: Anonymous

Well, as I recall, my wedding/marriage vows had the vows of "for better or worse". I and hoping that you do all that you can to improve your circumstances.

Have you tried "AlAnon" ?.
Have you tried to help your hubby?
Are you just complaining and feeling hopeless?

It seems that he needs your love and help right now. Do YOUR best to help him!

My husband was an alcoholic and I still loved him dearly. I'd give anything to have him back. He passed away 3 years ago.

I can empathize
by: Vicki. Wilmington NC

I too was with a functional alcoholic. We lived together for 4 years. My situation was different but the same.

He was in his late 50's. Guess hard to see someone that you know has potential to do so much more but for whatever reason they choose to wallow in the mud. He would go to sleep drunk and wake up drunk. He his liquor all around the house. And he was a mean drunk.

I had to leave for my own sanity and never looked back. Only you can decide when you're sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I stopped being his enabler and put me first and not his addiction. I read his obituary about 10 years after I left him. He died from cirrhosis.

I hope this helps you make a decision.

Good luck and God bless.

Make a plan
by: Sally

I’m sorry you’re in this situation but you’re not the first.

Get a lawyer and make sure you and your children are protected.

Make sure you are adequately insured in case he has an accident or burns the house down.

Have a separate bank account or access to cash if necessary.

Go to some Al-anon meetings and see if that’s a group that can be helpful to you.

Get support at Al-Anon
by: Michael - Sunny and Warm Venice Florida

It sounds like your husband might need Alcoholics Anonymous. Of course, he'll deny it.

So, you need to reach out to Al-Anon for support.


Challenges
by: Jeanne Savelle/Atlanta

Challenges are part of life and we can either learn and grow from them or pull back from life.

Your husband made his decisions and you get to make yours. However, I caution you to not make decisions out of bitterness or anger.

Make peace with your feelings about your husband and then decide what you will do. Your negative thoughts are only causing you pain. They do not affect him so let them go and with a clear mind, find the truth in yourself and move forward.

You obviously have a lot of strength, commitment, and persistence. Turn those to your advantage.

You have much to look forward to. Don't give up on yourself.

Help needed
by: Sandy

Gen, I am so sorry for the life situation you described.

Is there any way you can get help to keep yourself together as you figure out the next steps?

I am sure you don't want to leave the child-rearing to your husband so you have lots of challenges ahead.

Have you told him how you feel and if so, is he prepared for the consequences?

I don't want you to answer these to me, but you may want to answer for yourself.

I hope you find the strength and wisdom to get through this.

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