Retired Husband

My husband retired 6 months ago, I retired 2 years ago and figured myself out, painfully made a few friends and hobbies.

He’s now very happy to tag along with me everywhere instead of figuring himself out. I think he retired from thinking about anything, he keeps telling everyone he’s on permanent vacation, good for him.

I realize it’s early days but I’m going crazy with worry, I know him, this is a comfortable routine for him, I do all the work and planning and he sits back and relaxes.

Meanwhile I have lost all my freedom, solitude and anything else to call my own.

When I tried to talk to him about it he was hurt, even though I stressed he was still welcome, if only I could have a little freedom, but he balked, i do love him dearly and he would be lost without me. For better or worse.

I had a couple of good years, if only I knew.

Comments for Retired Husband

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Having a retired husband
by: Elna Nugent , Mass.

Dear Retired H.

You may soon have to make a very determined decision if you want to look forward to an interesting life ahead.

You may have to decide between how you and your husband are going to be "splitting your time." It may be different every week, Be honest about it and don't feel sorry for him.

He might then have to figure out a new life for himself as when you are not available ....and become someone you may want to be with more often.

You both have to decide quickly before you go nuts and bitterly resent him because that would really hurt him and you too.

Many Blessings.

Retired Husband
by: Sherry

I call co-dependency!!! He needs to find his own way. I live alone and have to find my own way everyday.

by: Wendy,

I don't know if this fits your situation, but my father has been at my mother's side since she retired (he drove her everywhere as they sold one car).

Recently, if she walks out of the room -- he searches for her. Constantly asks "where's your mother?" In the bathroom, the laundry room, getting lunch or dressed... she hasn't run away, just busy doing things.

Anyways, months ago I started searching for why this happens to him. It's called SHADOWING for those with dementia or Alzheimers. They follow the caregiver around, it's their sense of security.

Does this apply at all? Maybe he should see a doctor?

Anyone else deal with this Shadowing?

Just curious!

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