Retired: I Can't Be His Only Friend

My husband retired and he is so bored he wants me to be the only one he talks to. The same time he retired he dropped his friend of three years and doesn’t talk to him anymore. They used to do a lot together, fishing, working on cars etc. that gave me a break. Now he has no one and says he doesn’t need friends. I told him he is isolating himself and it’s not healthy!

He is very stubborn and won’t listen at all to what I have to say. How can you be a social person one minute and not at all the next minute? He tells me what to do all the time, loading the dishwasher, how to do laundry. I handled it for 25 years and now he thinks he knows how.

I want him to get out of the house and do hobbies but he will not do it. I don’t know how much more I can handle. I can’t live with one person 24 hours seven days a week!!

Any advice?! this has been going on for a year.

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Lonely and want an email friend
by: Rosemary england

I sympathies with you. I have the same problem. My husband retired 10 years ago and he is slowly driving me mad. He sits and watches TV all day and sleeps most of the afternoon.

I am used to being busy and when he worked things were much better. He has no hobbies and no friends. Has four children from his previous marriage but does not seem to be that interested in them...also has three grandchildren but does not have much interest in them.

I have to nag him to contact them. His main interest is eating and he is very overweight. He is quite complacent about it and I have given up trying to get him to exercise more and have a healthy diet.

Keep on trying though!

Not Healthy!
by: Cheryl/MD

You are exactly right that it's not healthy that you and your husband are around each other 24/7.

If he's going to be stubborn and not get out then get out by yourself! Get involved with senior trips, craft classes, walking, anything to get you out of the house. Let him sit at home and drive himself crazy - not you.

by: MItz

You need to get out as much as you can. Alone. Volunteer, adopt a pet, attend craft classes, find a low cost exercise class.

He probably thinks he is helping you with his advice. Try to ignore his helpful hints. He likely doesn't mean anything bad by it.

Retired: I ccan't be His Only Friend
by: Carol

Oh dear. My husband is like that, tells me how to load the dish washer, how to do everything, over and over again until I want to scream. I told him I've done all these things for years on my own. But he can't seem to stop.

He was retired and I wasn't. Then he went back to work (he retired early) and I retired.

Now it's so nice to have some days to myself, he only works 3 days a week. But he does have hobbies, he goes to the gym every single day so I get another 2 hours without him when he goes there. He also goes and gets all the groceries so he is gone a lot. Mostly with me at night and he's fine at night.

Don't know what to suggest, that would drive me crazy as well. Good luck.

only friend
by: Anonymous

You are not your husband.

Make dates with friends, take a walk (get a dog if you don't have one) go do what you want to do, it does not matter what he says just ignore it and give him a hug.

Also when he tells you how to load the dishwasher, etc pleasantly say "you are welcome to take over that job I'm tired of it anyway" and leave it to him.

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