Retired Recently

by Donna/Wisconsin

My husband who isn't even 65 yet retired a few months ago. He never has helped me much with housework, cooking, grocery shopping, etc. He felt he was the breadwinner and that was enough.

Since he's retired he's continued down that same path. He has people who cut our grass. Our weeds are overgrown because he is obese and sleeps a lot or looks at his computer all day. He will start projects but doesn't have the energy to complete them. I think he needs to see his doctor and perhaps get moving to lose weight. I also feel he suffers from depression at times.

As I age, I feel I can only do so much to keep our household chores going. I am contemplating leaving the marriage. Also, since he's retired, he's been very laid back about doing activities with me. We don't even sleep together.

This is not how we talked about how our retirement would look like. We wanted to spend more time together as a couple and travel, et... Not sure that will ever happen.

Comments for Retired Recently

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Welcome!
by: Anonymous

Welcome to the club. The majority of women that I know, including myself are married to husbands that fit your description of your husband.

Many of us women also work full time outside the home and come home to all the work that we'd have done if we were stay-at-home mom's.

I wouldn't leave the marriage. Just do what you can and if you have an opportunity, try to have a talk with your hubby about his help/participation with all the chores.
5 years in separate bedrooms
by: Ltssharin

Well, it has been 5 years of separate bedrooms for us due to the fallouts from my husbands multiple affairs. Also due to medical fallout from his affairs I would be embarrassed to ever date again. You are not alone.
Marriage and Retirement
by: Jane/Texas

You have come to the correct site. You will find as you go through the blogs and stories on this site that there are many times retirement has changed the marriage environment. Please do not do anything or make any decisions based upon the first few months of retirement.

Almost all retirees go through some sort of depression during this time. They will come out of it but you do not need to let it stop you from doing what you want to do.

When he sees you enjoying yourself, he will eventually want to join you. Especially, do things you know he enjoys, but do it without him a couple of times because you did not want to wake him up. Talk to him. Communication is critical right now. Now that he is home all the time, your chores have increased.

I too became very obese when I went through retirement depression. It almost cost me my life. His self worth is suffering right now. He went from being "his title" at work to being your husband. Do not allow him to pull you down into his depression. If you have to get out of the house for a bit to break the hold it can get on you. Volunteer some place. Read books to the blind, visit senior centers and play cards or get to know others who have also retired.

Your marriage has survived all these years, it will survive retirement as long as you keep the communication open and activity a priority. Nothing big, just accomplish a little something fun each day.

My husband and I both worked so I never went into the thing for all the housework to me for me alone. We both lived there so we both took care of the place. You might want to remind him, if he works you to death as his maid, you won't be around when he needs you the most. Find some way to put a little laughter in your day. I promise you will not regret it.

God Bless you for reaching out. Read through some of the stories posted throughout this web site. Join the community. You will find friends here and those who have already been where you are. Take care and don't give up.
He hasn’t changed
by: Anonymous

Sounds like he hadn’t changed, he just retired and spends more time home that previously in the office. I can only comment from what I’m reading, your husband chose to retire and good for him. Sounds like you need the adjustment of dealing with having your husband around more then you desire. In my opinion these issues have nothing more then accepting your husband for who he is.

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