Retired with no sense of what it would be like

by Michael
(Colorado)

I am a 55 year old male that took early retirement after 18 years, was not financially ready yet had to do it because of stress and anxiety.

My wife is disabled, total income is about 42000.00 a year, it will be very tight I cannot get out of bed in the morning and obsess about financial issues and am depressed. I have thought about ending it all but know that is not what should be done.

I have no hobbies to fall back, no money to start a hobby as every cent goes to living.

Help

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Thanks for the support
by: Michael/Colorado

First let me thank everyone for their support.

I am still having issues with the depression even though I went away for a week.

I did not want to come back home, just wanted to run away, which is ironic because it could be worse than it is if I realistically look at it.

I have a Doctor's appointment on 04-08 at the VA which is now the only insurance I have as I lost my insurance when I retired.

I am not sure how that is going to go.

I have been in bed off and on since I got back because of have acute bronchitis and it has me to be weak and lethargic.

I still feel that I have let my wife down as she has enough issues with her Lupus and now she has to put up with my depression.

I try to think positive thoughts but they are having a hard time sticking to my negative thought processes.

I can only hope that things will get better.
I know what you are feeling
by: Drew in San Diego

Been in the same dark place that you describe.

First, get some help with the depression. I did, and it probably saved my life. The drugs are cheap and effective.

Second, enlist your wife's support to relieve the load of caring for her 24/7. You need time away for yourself. Maybe a friend, neighbor, or family member will be willing to help out a couple of days a week.

Third, consider some employment that won't stress you out. It will bring in some $$$ and will give you a bit of social contact. If employment is out of the question, then volunteer. It will get you out of the house.

Fourth, take care of yourself as to diet, exercise, health, sleep, spiritual needs, etc. You have to become your #1 improvement project. A hobby or interest is also a good outlet.

Fifth, stop worrying about the past or future and start living in the present (living in the NOW). Few of us have a known expiration date, you don't know if you'll be here tomorrow or 30 years from now. Start living today with the assumption that it will be your last day on earth.

Peace be with you!

Drew
Oh, another thing
by: Nancy

I was going to say, you mentioned quitting work because of the stress and anxiety. One thing that got me out of my depression over not working, was remembering how much better off I was not having the stress and anxiety of working.

All my jobs had something really stressful about them all the time. I used to work in prisons and you would think dealing with criminals with horrible crimes would be stressful, but not nearly as much as dealing with politics and employees jockeying for position and back stabbing.

So remember why you quit and try to be grateful, just a suggestion.

My husband had an easier time of adjustment to retirement. He retired when he was 55, like you did. He remembers having to go out at night plowing snow, and is grateful he doesn't have to anymore.

Take care.
Depression I get
by: Nancy

A lot of us suffered depression when we retired. You go through grief and loss of your career. If you are having thoughts of suicide, you need to address these with a counselor and tell someone immediately. There are community mental health agencies that have a sliding fee.

I get it, however, about being worried about finances. I had a melt down the first few months of my retirement worrying about insurance, and money, etc. One of my pensions didn't start until I was 65 I think. It got better when I went on Medicare and that pension started. Yours will get better to.

You are young and can find a stress free job. This lady I met on vacation got a job at CVS after retirement. There is nothing wrong with binge watching TV or binging on books either. Libraries are free. My dogs make me happy.

We are here for you. Keep coming back.
Hey Michael!
by: Dean/Tennessee

Hey Michael, glad you acknowledge ending it would not be right. Caring for a disabled spouse is a challenge. I have some experience as my youngest daughter is disabled and requires quite a bit of my time.

You are so young and should have a lot of good years ahead of you. I get down sometimes but fortunately there are things I do which help cheer me up.

There are a lot of enjoyable things you could do that don't cost much money or in some cases no money at all. Things I enjoy are fishing, going for walks, reading free books at the library and all kinds of interesting stuff on the internet.

I have lost so many friends and family members, younger than me, that I feel every day I wake up and can get out of bed is a bonus. The important thing is to remember when you get down it will pass.

Many times when I am feeling bad I don't really feel like doing anything but know that if I just start doing something I enjoy eventually I start to feel better.

I know how you feel and hope this is some help.
PAIN
by: Anonymous

Well, for starters take care of yourself. Maybe a caregivers group would help to deal with the anger, etc. Most counties have them. Get nurturing
Take A walk
by: Linda AvonCT

Please you have so much to do -- walking is amazing -- reading -- go volunteering and you have a beautiful wife that needs you -- end it all please get yourself out and start to live -- you got this and just have fun every day -- wake up and say hey today is going to be a great day - now get yourself out and take that walk -- and remember we are all here for you -- you got this !!! you do and it's wonderful
It doesn't have to be that wat
by: tyler, Atlanta, Ga

I retired at age 51. Enjoyed it for awhile and started to get depressed. I felt that I no longer had a purpose. I found a job and went back to work (something I said I wouldn't do) I am enjoying being around people and having something meaningful to do. And the beauty of it is, I don't have to keep working if I don't want to......

Don't give up. Do something that will get you engaged with others
For shame doc...
by: Rox/BHC

I had to retire because of a mental debauch (sp.?) at the age of 58, and I now have a yearly income of $9180!!!!

I, of course, found some assistance of $4140 yearly, from Housing/State. I am alone, but given a way to live...but I had to admit that suicide had crossed my mind, though I also admitted that I am too chicken (or unable to find an acceptable way) to do it.

Therapy and my peer groups have been a GREAT deal of use and enjoyment, after I got myself there.

BUT I am happy with the things I am sure will make me happy and, in return, that is all I ask for. SO I am very happy and feel that I have a future. AND PEOPLE!

KNOWING you DO have a future is SO important. It gets that little guy inside you headed, no matter how baby the steps, towards the positive and worldly acceptable direction you ought to go.

PLEASE do not leave your family and the surroundings you've acquired through life and throw them to the rats. It is not the thing to do is it???

I LOVE shopping at Walmart, ha-ha, and the neighbors I have in my small studio apt. are VERY interesting and alive. And try not to get so morose without reading or googling something like 'should I...' on your computer.

Love ya kid, and if I can, you can, right????
Get some help
by: Donna Augusta Mo

I am retired RN so this statement of I want to end it all is very serious to me. If you are thinking like this you need some intervention. Call your nearest ER and ask where there is free counselling or even call a suicide prevention hotline. This is is very serious. I want you to keep us posted. You are not alone.
An important time in your life
by: Elna Nugent, Lenox, Ma

Dear Michael:

You are so young to be retired. Being 55 seems like you've only just begun. I can say that because I am so much older than you.

Without a doubt you need to find a group in your area so you can share your dilemmas with people who are in similar situations.It makes such a difference knowing you are not alone in this.

You are beginning a new life. At 55, you have had experiences , trials and successes that enrich you as a person. I am amazed at how intelligent, strong ,and interesting people in your age group are because you have learned much from what you have experienced.

Would you ever consider writing your own short book about your early life and how it has made you who you are. Wendy has a way you can do this here on this site. Your life has a unique importance that you cannot imagine because it is unlike any other on the earth. We'd might be able to learn something from you .

Many blessings. Better days are coming.





STOP It...
by: Wendy

Give yourself a kick in the pants... are you seriously thinking of ending it and leaving her disabled and all alone? Stop that right now...

Geesh.. nothing nothing nothing is that bad.

There is plenty you can do without income. There are always free community activities, or online groups to chat with.

Join my Retirement Community... shoot, I see you didn't leave your email so you won't be notified of anyone who posts back to you. I hope you are watching this page!

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