Retirement Has Triggered Bad Memories
When I was a teenager there wasn't much to do in my small town, no fast food or places to work. I woke up in the morning and felt bored and unhappy. My home was not a happy one.
When I graduated from college, I wasn't ready to teach as I had been trained, and didn't know what I wanted to do. I spent 6 months on my parent's couch, lying around reading and watching TV. It was a horrible nightmarish time. I still have nightmares that I can't get out of there.
I finally got on the Greyhound and moved to Chicago where I found a job in an office. Two more times as an adult, I lost my job and moved in with my parents for 3 to 6 months at a time. The last time was when I was 34.
Now in retirement, 4.5 years in, I still feel that emptiness and boredom at times and fear going back to that horrible time. Of course it couldn't happen, I live in a happy home now with my husband, and we have money to live on, and secure financial arrangements for the future. Plus, my parents are both dead.
I think it is depression; for which I am receiving treatment. But like any other chronic problem, it rears its ugly head from time to time.
I tell myself, today I am having a bad day, but this too shall pass. It has in the past, always. I have a good doctor for which I am thankful.
I am not interested in finding a part-time job for a lot of reasons, and I don't want to volunteer. I have found some quilting groups on social networking which has been a big plus. And I spend a lot of time sewing, and giving quilts to people. I guess that is my volunteer job. When I get caught up, I plan on making quilts for charity.