Retirement is double edged sword!

by Toni
(Oregon)

We've been married 34 years. For the first ten he was an alcoholic and couldn't hold a job because of his big ego and stubborn disposition. We have no kids and thank god because he was enough to raise.


15 years in, he finally grew up some but still was a jerk. I had to teach him EVERYTHING about being a man. His mother didn't do anything for him but create resentment so she was not in our lives since the beginning.

He had basic faithful qualities and still is true after all this time. We only found out he has ADHD last year. OMG... now I understand why he is so hard to be with. Like living with a 10-year-old.

We love very deeply and this is why we keep trying. Retirement means he is always there.

I don't mind because I don't want to be with anyone else. I have to give him things to do so he keeps busy. He has a hobby and when he pesters me too much I make him go so it.

I only get angry when he tries to run my kitchen. He knows when to back off cause I give him "the look" and threaten him with death and he stops. LOL.

Ladies, they are just as stressed as you are.

HUG, TALK, CALM DOWN!

REMEMBER THE LOVE...or leave.

No in-between.

Comments for Retirement is double edged sword!

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Keep loving...
by: Toni Oregon

Thank you Sherry in NC. I am from NC too. Yes, keyword BOTH must work at it. LOVELOVELOVE is key.

Hello Canadian retiree... don't get me wrong..I didn't and don't just sit back and take it. We argue a LOT! If he gives me a hard time I give it right back. He is ADHD and GERMAN which means he picks at EVERYTHING with EVERYBODY! It's funny actually because we spar all the time. It's not mean spirited its just mental exercise. We drive each other crazy but we love it and laugh alot!

Good luck to both of you.

Takes Patience
by: Canadian Retiree

I admire you for sticking to your marriage despite your frustrations.

My husband is retired and a type 2 diabetic. He has a short fuse. He also has cardiac problems. I’m Retired and a breast cancer survivor. We have no children there for o grandkids to fill up our time.

The Covid isolation is wearing on our relationship. My husband is critical of everything I say and sometimes do. I know he has mood swings due to diabetes but it’s hard to take at times.

Thanks for sharing your story.

For better or for worse
by: Sherry/ NC

Yep you stayed married for worse and worked at it. So many marriages end in divorce because no one is willing to work at it and really a marriage will not work if both partners do NOT work at it!
It does take both!

I wish you both much happiness in this life of retirement!

WOW
by: Wendy, Retirement Enthusiast/Coach

Toni, My first reaction: WHY doesn't she leave?

Then I got it... most wouldn't have stuck around so long, most would have dropped him at "alcoholic", or training him to be a man.

Good for you! Kudos for you finding the way to live a long life together.

Best Wishes!

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