by Taj
(Rockford, Illinois)

I actually retired 3 years ago; I had a successful dog sitting business. It was not really full time.

What has complicated my retirement is that 3 years ago I lost my best friend and "mother". She was the most fun person I've ever known. I went into deep depression over this loss. I'm just starting to come out of it.

I'm doing more things. I belong to the book club at the library and I belong to a healing prayer group. I take bible classes as they are scheduled. I knit and read. It's hard for me to find new friends...though I have 3 friends. We're not as close as I was with my beloved friend, Normajeane. She was a wonderful lady.

Any advice of finding or deepening friendship would be appreciated.

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Finding Friends
by: Anonymous

Two acquaintances moved here, both to expensive homes in gated communities.

One tried to speak to neighbors, but they turned away and would not reply. She asked the real estate agent about it, and she was told "every neighborhood has a personality, and people where you moved just want to be left alone." She wishes she had had not bought the house. She knows it will not be a good place to grow older alone.

The second acquaintance also moved to a gated community, but she had 17 people come to her door to welcome her the first two weeks she lived there. She didn't research the community either. She lucked out.

I live in the same city, though not in a gated community, and my neighbors are not friendly. I have no children and no family still alive. I've done everything I know to make friends here. Nothing has worked.

I've gone to the senior center, attended church, joined a stitch and bitch, the genealogical society, etc. People are wonderful at the meetings. I got cards at Vista Print, and sometimes I give one to somebody if we want to share a recipe or a crochet pattern, for example. When I ask at the next meeting why they didn't contact me or respond to my email or phone call, they say they just didn't have time.

Their lives are full. They have families, and they are busy with their children and grandchildren. As a result, I never get to know them beyond a superficial level. So I have acquaintances, not friends. I still want a couple of friends.

One would real friend.

by: Sherry Wilmington, NC

Hi Taj, It is difficult to find and keep friends, I think. I work at it all of the time. I smile a lot. I love it when someone smiles at me! I have so called friends and always try to be a good friend. You have to work at it!

I call people say hello ask about their life, do they need anything. Please come to visit me. They never say any of these things to me. I wonder what is wrong with me??

I do have a good neighbor friend here in my neighborhood. She is an elderly lady and she is
friendly and kind. I enjoy her company. We attend the same church. You can meet people at church, doing a volunteer job, book club, Senior Center, part time job, etc. Just keep working at it and be grateful for your life that attitude will make you optimistic.

by: Nancy

I'm probably not a good person to ask about friends because I am a loner and like it that way.

I do have my husband who is my best friend and my dogs and cat. I too take Bible studies whenever they are offered in the day which is only one or 2 times a year; however, I have met several ladies in the church whom I consider "friendly acquaintances".

I have a 40 year friendship with a woman from California. I live in Indiana. We keep in contact sporadically. Over the holidays we have been communicating more often. I decided I didn't want to throw away 40 year friendship away so I'm going to put more effort into the friendship.

I wish you all the best. It sounds like you are doing healthy things to heal your grief.

by: Janet

I am truly sorry for the loss of your dear mother, your best friend Normajeane. I also understand you going into depression.

I am happy that you have found some activities this will help you keep busy. I too had the sudden loss of my best friend going on three years now. I am retired. My best friend gave me a book for a birthday gifts to me. He wrote in the book, "To my best friend Love, Darryl." He was my beat friend, my dear husband we did everything together. I can fully understand your loss.

My mother used to tell me when I was growing up that you have very few friends I mean real friends, she said you have acquaintances but when you really need them will they be there?

I have two grown sons. One son lives here the other in another state. When I worked I had many colleagues we shared many good times together. Sometimes I think I should have taking the time to have made real close friends. My family and relatives live in another state. This New Year 2017, I know I have to become more sociable and join and participate in some activities.

A lot has been my grieving. I am wishing you a Happy and Blessed New Year 2017.

depression over loss of friend
by: mildred/tn

there are many types of friends. at my age 79.2mo my friends are dying off. I have had to learn to accept this and have become closer to my family. There is nothing wrong w/ seeing a professional and getting medication for this.. You are doing the right things by getting out of the house and mingling w/ others...

Idea to Consider?
by: Peggy Patino/Lyons, IL

For some reason I can't access the pen pal section of Retirement Online so I don't know if you're on there. Would you consider becoming a pen pal to me or one of the other members? That might be a good way to add to your circle of friends--albeit through the mail or over the phone....

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