Same as others, Husband issues

by Rebecca/Pennsylvania

I retired 6 years ago, I'm a young 70 and my husband retired almost 20 years ago, he's 76.

We did not meet until 15 years ago and have separated 3 times for the same reason, LAZY, no motivation, watches TV 24/7, on the computer for hours a day. I feel bad for him because he has non life threating illnesses. However, I want a life!

I live in PA but my sisters and mother live in Calif. I'm considering moving back. My sisters miss me and my mother is 89 with issues. I do have children in PA but they are grown with their own family and lives.

I think I would be happier on my own. I have a dog and other interests but I can't enjoy them watching him ROT. Sometimes I feel guilty that I feel this way but if I don't do something soon I fear I'll end up like him.

He is not affectionate and thinks I'm annoying and too happy.

Comments for Same as others, Husband issues

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Help yourself
by: Sherry/ NC

Go to a marriage counselor even he won't go with you.

Your marriage is very important that is why you went back to him each time you separated. Talk it out with the counselor and listen to what the counselor suggests.

Marriage is work and both people have to work at it to make it work. I wish you good luck!
Good luck
by: June, GA

Very short comment but very thought provoking: Your life isn't a dress rehearsal. You only go around once. Don't waste it.
Mitz
by: Anonymous

Why not move back to California alone on a trial basis? Tell him you will go and stay with one of your sisters or rent a small apartment for 6 months. Then reassess whether you want to invite him to join you at that point.
Explore your options
by: Laura in Vermont

Your husband seems to be satisfied with what he's got in life, but clearly you're not. Why not go to California and see your sisters and mother? Leave him at home and if you're happy in the Golden State just don't go back to PA.

If this is too radical, try taking him to the doctor to see if he's sick or depressed.

It may be that he got married to have a caretaker. If this isn't what you want in a marriage, you'd be better off out of it.
Separated 3 Times
by: Joe W.

@Rebecca, If you already separated 3 times then why are you coming back to your husband if you can't stand him and or his choice of activities?

If you still love him then at least try everything in your power to find out what the real problem is with him and with you. Also, maybe get a marriage counselor to mediate your situation and find out if there is any spark left in your relationship. Or is the best solution to go your own separate ways.
Marriage is work
by: Sherry/NC

Write down on paper all the reasons you married him; think about each thing and try to discuss with him.

Go out to CA and visit family for a 2 months. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. I hope he will miss you and you him.
He is a sad person. I wish you good luck and happiness.
TOO HAPPY?
by: Wendy, retirement enthusiast

Yikes!

Anyone who thinks someone else is too happy -- assuming they aren't drinking (grin!) is really sad. Depressed sad, I'd guess.

Will he see a doctor?

If he got on meds, he could live a whole different life. It might be an imbalance of sorts, maybe his brain chemicals are a bit off?

So sorry... sounds miserable.

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