Sandwiched, Alone and Depressed
I am facing retirement in 3 months and I am at a loss. I have lived in my house for over 30 years as a hard working single mom, far from my family.
My parents and 2 younger sisters moved hundreds of miles away when I was 19, the day after my wedding. My two children are both married and out of state. My daughter lives 2 hours away and my son is half way across the country. They both have children. I have a good relationship with my daughter and her children, but she works and they are not that close.
Three years ago, my mother who suffers from Alzheimer's disease, moved into an independent living apartment one mile from my house (long story). For more than a year, I was with her every single day after work, and all weekend, getting to know her, learning about her disease and how to get her the care she needed. I hadn't lived close to her for 43 years.
I am 66 years old and unmarried, my mom is 90 and widowed after a 50-year marriage. My 2 younger sisters (ages 58 and 60) are a 16-hour drive away, both married, no children, and live a 1 ½ hour drive apart. One is retired. My older sister (age 68) lives about 5 1/2 hours away from me, married, retired, with 1 married son living close by.
I have been struggling to manage my mother's care on my own, and it has taken a toll on my life, my health and my relationships with friends and family, dealing with one issue after another.
The cost of my mother’s care as is, is exorbitant and her mental capacity continues to decline. The quiet town I moved to 35 years ago is crowded and continues to grow, and my house is too much for me. The thought of moving further away from my daughter and grandchildren breaks my heart but my mother needs more help than I can provide. She is physically very healthy and could live with this disease for years longer. A move for her will be very hard and disorienting, but we can’t afford her current situation much longer.
I am overwhelmed and looking for some insight from those who have gone before me on this sandwiched, retirement journey.