by Tom Damron
(Too Late in Life)
1 Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.
2 The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
3 The question isn't at what age I want to retire, it's at what income.
4 Aging gracefully is like the nice way of saying you're slowly looking worse
5 What goes up and never comes down? Your age!
6 Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number ?
7 You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.
8 You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera
9 If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
10 Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
11 When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write, "A very good doctor".
12 I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
13 Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I'm driving.
14 If you're not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?
15 My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
16 What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild? Paper Money.
17 I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.
18 Sometimes waking up means the best part of your day is over!
19 Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.
20 Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?
21 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
22 Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team? Because everybody who can run, jump and swim is already in the U.S.
23 I would ask you how old you are but I know you can't count that high.
(Collected from a variety of sources.)
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