Should I revisit an affair with an ex?

Since my retirement 20 months ago I have went through a lot of changes.


I retired early Because In was taking more time off for pain and it was not fair to the ones I worked with. I was working at the VA hospital and it as very rewarding work, working with the veterans.

Since my retirement I moved in with my sister which has been a great support for me. My six months stay turned into 18 months. During that that time I was building my credit to buy a house.

I now have my house in the middle of nowhere like I wanted. I brought with me what I though would be my life long partner. She did not like the seclusion as much as i did.

Now that she is gone I am thinking of bring an old girl friend to live with me. She is wanting to move out of Ohio because she has nothing left there.

I am concern about going back to an ex i have been with twice before. Before we were both on drugs so it did not work. I am clean and I think she is too.

I don't want to spend my life alone. I am too old for dating.

Comments for Should I revisit an affair with an ex?

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Never repeat mistakes
by: Anonymous

I don't think it would work, sometimes lonliness can cloud your judgement. There is a risk of repeating past mistakes and that would not be good for each other.

No!
by: Anonymous

Don't do it. Move forward - not backward.

Should I revisit an Affair
by: Ken San Diego

Once a cheater ... always a cheater. TMI

Not a good idea
by: LouiseWT

I personally don't think this is a good idea to go back to someone who didn't work out twice. There are plenty of fish in the sea.

If you think back on your relationship with this person I am sure you have a list of things that were incompatible. Maybe it was your fault or her fault but twice is enough.

Join some groups and meet some people. You would be better off alone than to be with heartache. When people hurt me, I am not willing to be hurt again.

My Hub and I were friends with this one couple for years and years. They had kids after 10 years of marriage and we didn't. Our friendship just fizzled and I feel some of the blame was on them. It has been at least 20 years since we have been together and Hub ran into the wife and she said oh, if you'd like we could go out to lunch one day, meaning the 4 of us. I said to the Hub, like HELL we will. They basically ditched us and now that the kids are grown and married and moved away they have time for us. NO THANKS!

Eleanor
by: Anonymous

It's still possible to find another partner in your older years.

It was a big surprise to me to meet someone when I was 74 and we had a lovely relationship for three years until he died of cancer.

People do not change their habits and if it didn't work twice with your ex, the chances are it won't a third time either, drugs or no drugs.


Evaluate Your Goal
by: Anonymous

Do not let loneliness cause you to make a mistake you have obviously made twice before.

First, not everyone likes seclusion, so you will need to find someone who loves seclusion as much as you do.

More importantly, and this is from a woman's point of view, I find that too many men in our age bracket simply want someone around to take care of them.

Your "I don't want to be alone" but "I'm too old for dating" tells a woman that you aren't willing to put any work into a real relationship and just want someone to "move in." That prospect is not very appealing to most independent women. Most of us have been there and done our share of being maid, cook, bottle-washer, etc.

So I kindly suggest that you rethink this a bit and do some self evaluation. If you just want a caretaker, you can hire someone. If you want a real partner, you will have to put the work in that building a relationship requires.

revisit ex
by: jojo/California

i dated my first ex, 20 years later for 10 years. things did not end well for me either time. when things were good, they were great, when things were bad, they were awful.

i bet this may have been your situation too. sometimes our memories linger on the good times and we become nostalgic for what was or even what wasn’t but we so much wanted it to be true.

we forget the bad times or gloss over them.

i think too being in a secluded place means you have a lot of quiet time which leads to a lot of thinking and reminiscing and maybe dwelling on the good times forgetting or glossing over the bad times.

since you two have been together twice, try this time to think as much with your head as your heart. don’t think all problems either time were due to drugs - some may have been but somethings may not - they may be aspects of your personalities that may never be compatible.

i am sorry you are lonely. i hate loneliness in part because of exactly what it can do- make you make decisions or take actions just to relieve the pain of it. sometimes instead of making the initial pain go away it brings more on.

being so secluded may make things seem really one way or the other - always lonely or get back together with someone familiar. maybe there is a middle way.

if you can, if you can’t be with others in person, participate in online groups like Wendy’s Retirement Community and/or things related to a hobby, or pets, or other interests. that might ease some of the loneliness. please keep us updated. wishing you the best and hope i’ve made sense and have been helpful.


Don't Do It
by: Linda/Nevada

People don't change. Whatever problems you had before will still be there. I am a bum magnet and it has taken all my life to finally admit it. Companionship comes in many forms. Don't mess up your final years.

Return to Should I revisit an affair with an ex
by: ElaineD

First off BRAVO for being drug free!

I have a relative that has struggled with being drug-free till finally just decided that the best way to stay drug free is to not be anywhere near the past associations of any kind. And his reason of why he got into drugs in the first place & continued slipping up was for the adventure and familiarity of such feelings from the past. Your case might be different so no one can advise you of what is right or wrong. Only you can decide for yourself.

You stated that you "think" your ex is also drug free. From what I have found out about any relationship and mine too is that open communication is extremely necessary for a happy long term co-existence.

My thought would be is that if you can open up the channel of open and candid communications before you co-habit then it might give you a better idea if your getting back together will be successful. LOL, it's similar to dating and I think dating is never out of the question regardless of age.

I have known & still know of folks in their late 80s & early 90s do/did the dating scene and found their partners of choice.

Hope my rambling here helps you and I wish you luck and happiness of whatever you chose to do.

Affair with an ex
by: Sherry/ NC

I would not have an affair with someone I had an affair twice before.
I would say nothing has changed. This woman is not good for you.

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