I made an entry many months ago about retiring in October 2013, age 62, loving it for 7 months, then my sister got very ill and everything ground to a halt - although she rallied and is doing well, I am not - my depression which was triggered by my sister's illness never lifted.
I miss my job - I was doing volunteer work initially but now I am too depressed to volunteer OR work even though I want to do both.
I have tried two antidepressants which did not work. I am seeing a psychiatrist and will keep trying but I miss my job so very much that I actually cry out "I want my job back" which is not possible.
Prior to my sister getting ill I loved retirement and was a gadabout town going to lectures at the university, hikes, volunteering at the animal shelter, luncheons with friends, the museum, the art gallery - and had plans to travel.
I can so vividly remember thinking "Wow - this is the life!" but when clinical depression came, that thinking was reversed.
I force myself out with friends for lunch - even had a spa day last week with massage and the waters - but I felt awful and didn't even want to be there.
I know that if I still had my job I would not be in this very dark place as I would be structured and distracted and feel I had a purpose.
Has anyone gone through such a funk for 9 months (that's how long its been) and come out of it?
I continue to see my doctor and I am doing all the right things but it seems like it is just never, ever going to go - all the things I want to do, I am to depressed to do. It's completely debilitating - almost paralytic at times. The anxiety is bad at times as well. I don't even pay much attention to my cat whom I love.
I would love to hear from anyone who has been through this. Thanks for listening.