Stuck! Retired and not happy!

by Anonymous
(Ohio)

I loved my work as an advance practice nurse, loved caring for my patients, etc.

My husband died unexpectedly in 2009. In 2010 our group lost our positions!

I was eligible at the age of 64 ,so took retirement as I needed the steady income. I was later offered a part time position seeing patients in an outpatient setting, was kind of happy again. That lasted three years .

It has been 14 months with no work . I was busy caring for my mother who recently passed away and now..........what??????

I have lost my identity as a wife, daughter , and health care provider. Feeling so depressed and tearful at times. I am 68 years old, but feel 40 , am healthy, just can't shake the idea that I should still be working, having trouble accepting all of this.

I am lucky in that I have a friend that travels with me, am healthy, have a lovely family, have enough income, etc., am embarrassed in that I feel so empty and useless, no hobbies except reading, bought a dog, great companion but also responsibility.

I sit around too much, too much TV, have all kinds of excuses for not doing much. Belong to a gym and a church and don't go to either . Belong to some social groups but I don't go to meetings.

Don't want medication!

Hopefully I will get myself off the couch and find something useful . Maybe next year I can write a more positive story. Maybe I won't be "stuck" any longer :-)

Comments for Stuck! Retired and not happy!

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Struggling
by: Location

I feel pretty down also. I owned my own business for 38 years, loved it, raised an amazing successful son who now lives in a different state.

My husband retired 8 months ago and we had plans to travel but now with Covid.

My husband is happy to watch TV and I feel sad and lost. I exercise, walk, clean,cook, garden and read but I have to push myself to do any of that.

Something is missing and i don't know what it is!!
Retirement Blues
by: Anonymous

Yeah stuck I understand I'm kind of in the same situation, going to be 65 soon, retired & collecting, way too much time on my hands.

Retired CNA, love my job hard work and now what?

there's only so many things you can do in a week all the next week and the week. I have a hard time relaxing. I love to take walks , I do go to the gym ,and have total freedom . single, married twice, divorced twice, two sons.

they're doing well, even my mom and dad still alive, live with them and take care of them but yet that's still not enough I get so down on myself.

I don't know what to do boredom like you said when I should be happy. I'm sad .

I guess I'm not much of an influence but I kind of related to you statement I wish you the best.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE
by: John/NYC

I was forced out of my hire profile job at 61 and later settled for wrongful termination damages which at least allow for a comfortable retirement.

Yet, I am totally lost without my hire-pressured, structure days of the last forty years.

I wish there were face-to-face support groups of kindred souls. However, even with Google, there appears to be none out there.
I thought it was just me
by: Paul from South Australia

Moved to it's own page so that retirees can give you ideas and comments on your retirement situation! Best wishes..
stuck !
by: Anonymous

Fun to read all the comments to my piece on Stuck!

LOL! on the "thank God for my dog"! Know what you mean.

I am now going to take a class on "Your Second Adulthood" how timely!

So I may consider the gym, church, social groups for women my age, volunteering, or stay curled up until winter passes.

Just decided to put away the thought of ever working again. Took down all the sites that were job searching, removed my resume', feel better. Sort of a cleansing of that particular desire.

Now need to move onto a different life. I know a great many people that retired are much younger than I am and here I am still job seeking!!! It was the biggest part of my life in so many ways and I loved it. So, one little baby step forward!

Thanks for the support, need to move on and I think I can do that. this is so nice to have an outlet to talk with others in the same or similar position.
Kudos...
by: Wendy

Tearing up as I read these comments... You guys are so D*&^ helpful.

Every time I read a retirees thoughts, putting themselves out there to help others, just sheer JOY.

Thank you all...
You're Not Alone
by: Patti

The only help i can offer is that you're not alone. Many people will say that the day they retired was the happiest day of their life and they never looked back. But there are plenty of people who feel the way you do. It's a huge transition. I do the same things you do. I say I need to find a church home, but then I don't. I sign up for classes and then I don't go. I joined a fitness center and I might as well throw the money out the window.

But in baby steps I am getting better. I do volunteer work, driving people to the doctor. I spend Friday afternoons with a retired co-worker. I write a lot of emails. I downloaded one of those Great Courses that you always see advertised and I'm making my way through it.

It's taken me almost two years to start to feel that not working is "normal." I worked from home the last 7 years so my work space was also my living space and it took a long time to disentangle them.

But so far nothing has captivated me the way my job did. I loved it, and I loved the challenge and complexity of it. My friends all say "you're not SUPPOSED to find something as hard as that job was - you're supposed to have fun and relax" but I guess that is something I am having to learn how to do.

I hope I didn't make you feel worse. I think you'll get better with time. The unfortunate thing is that you can't go over it or under it or around it - you have to go through it. Hang in there - I'm rootin' for ya'!!! Patti
Stuck...Yes!
by: Anonymous

I know exactly how you feel. Your explanation is just the way I feel!

I was an executive assistant but always felt useful...someone always needed me and that made me feel so good that I could help them in some way.

I retired 2 months ago and Now, as you say, too much tv...too much computer...all I can say is Thank God for my dog! Oh, well maybe it will be better when the nicer weather comes!

Keep smiling...it's bound to get better!
I'm a former nurse, too...
by: Anonymous

and walked in your shoes ie., left a high profile, gratifying career, and then lost both parents (and many others in our family)as well as my best friend.

I struggled too and finally realized I needed some help coping. I learned that grief is a very jagged journey and that it's a very personal one for each of us.

Some people seem to bounce from one thing to another without much effort; however, others like me struggle through each phase with episodic backsliding along the way. It takes time and patience but you can get there.

First of all, give yourself permission to not know all the answers and then seek help from a reliable therapist. You are grieving a loss of identity as well as your mom - two big issues at once and at a critical time in your life.

You will marshal the energy you need when you feel the renewed hope from taking that first step. Good luck!
Please send me
by: Anonymous

Updates to this article.
Comments for Stuck
by: Nancy

I got a lot of support from this group, you will too. I was very stuck my first year.

You are fortunate, as you know, that you have good health. My health took a plummet the second year into my retirement. I have chronic fatigue and arthritis.

My hobby saved me. You will find a hobby, too. Mine is sewing, mainly quilting. The church has also helped.

I had to make myself take the first Bible study. Since then I've taken several Bible studies and am doing the read the Bible in a year online group this year.

Maybe if you nudged yourself just a little, the rest might fall into place, just a suggestion.

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