Swimming in Mud (husband retired)

by Lisa, farm county

Husband retired at 78. I encouraged this.


I still work at two part-time jobs that I love. He resents my friend, my job, the fact that he does more at home now, the fact that we have less money now, staying at home alone. All of these seem somewhat normal except he goes into a rage when I talk in the phone.

I am in sales and networking is the basis of my job, even if it is just chatting. I appreciate all he does and the life we have but, I'm too social to sit and look at him like a puppy waiting for a pat on the head.

And when he gets this way he complains that I never cook or clean. The last 4 meals I have cooked he won't eat bc he is not hungry. He will not let me do my own laundry bc I don't wash them every day and he says it will start stinking.

He has also complained that I bathe too often(daily) and I use the bathroom too much. Only does this when he throws a fit about not getting enough attention. Attention black hole about 3 days a week.

Comments for Swimming in Mud (husband retired)

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Lisa reply
by: Anonymous

Lisa, you're in a struggle for sure, but take heart, even if it feels you are alone in it, many understand. *If this is new behavior since retirement, that's one key, if it's not and his personality gone into high gear, another.

Health issues???? Can't give you a magic answer, but check one of our pages here to see others who have posted and some basic info.

https://www.retirement-online.com/marriage-in-retirement.html

Thing is you are asking for help. You have a job so there is people contact. Just remember you're not alone. Bless you.

He needs to keep busy
by: Michael - Venice Florida

78 is above-average in age to still be working, so your husband must have enjoyed what he was doing.

A part of him probably misses it - or at least the act of having something to do. Maybe his prior employer would take him back - at least part time?

He needs to find more activities and hobbies to keep him busy. It's not your job to entertain him.

I learned this early on in marriage. My husband doesn't like the way I do certain things (my cooking in particular.) So, I finally gave up and let him do it! So, I rarely cook the dinner, never clean the house, and leave all of the yard work to him.

Sit your husband down and explain how you feel. A certain amount of your time during the day is just for you, and he has to find his own way for himself during those same periods. He is a grown man, and he knows this.

If you are suddenly around each other all of the time, you need to set some ground rules.

Yipes! Mud swimming has to go.
by: Elna Nugent , Lenox, MA


-----Oh I feel sympathy for you------ Doesn't your husband have any hobbies or interests of his own?

----Does he have any friends of his own?

Can you set up two days a week where together you
could go for a walk in the woods, go to a movie?
Do something wonderful to your house or go out to play cards with friends?

This pandemic is challenging I know. Hobbies can be lifesavers, as well as playing .....playing cards with friends???

Elna

It’s not about you.
by: Margaret Johannesburg

Your husband sounds depressed and he’s lashing out at you. If you have family, it might be time for a bit of intervention, otherwise a doctor or old friend might have to help.

You’ll go crazy pussyfooting around his bad mooda, and he needs help over this post-retirement hump.

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