Too Much of A Good Thing
I have been struggling to find answers as to why I can't seem to get motivated to do the things I want to do. I thought it was brain fog or depression so I put myself on a gluten free diet. Being gluten free has helped immensely with my psoriasis but I still can't find the energy or will power to act upon the activities I want to do. Then the light bulb went on and I think I have the answer.
When we were children, we were constantly expected to follow certain rules and routines. When we went to school, we were under the supervision of our teachers to study, do homework, pass tests and follow rules.
When we entered the workforce, we had supervisors to answer to. Deadlines had to be met, quality work had to be submitted if we wanted a paycheck, and if we found ourselves unemployed, we had to be creative and resourceful to find another job.
Now that I am retired, except the property manager of my apartment complex, I really don't answer to anyone for my actions.
The only rules I follow are the ones that keep me out of jail and a roof over my head. I don't answer to anyone for the choices I make during my daily routine. No one cares if I make my bed, read a book, cook a meal or clean my apartment. I have no time restraints, no deadlines, and no impressions to make. As long as my bills are paid on time, no one imposes penalties for my actions.
My over abundance of freedom seems to be a hindrance to why I don't feel the need to accomplish anything or step out of my comfort zone. I never realized how important it was to have structure in my life. Now that no one is "watching me", I am drowning in my pool of endless freedom.
I don't have a solution, and no, I am not getting a job, but at least I have a reasonable idea of why I am in this state of inertia.
The usual responses of get a job, volunteer, get a hobby or get out of the house don't work for me. The answer to my problem has to come from within me and that may take a lifetime of soul searching.
I never thought that freedom could be so debilitating.
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