Wow Sounds Familiar (Lazy Husband)

by Sno1953

I am "married" to my roommate (or teenage boy) instead of the partner I expected and he projected while we were dating.

I am retired and dealing with him working but finding myself more alone than when I was single since I have to do most things by myself or with another female friend.

Over the last 2 1/2 years I have had issues with frozen shoulder. First one, then a year later the other. At no time has he made any attempt to move things or ask if I needed his help with anything. Nothing. He is emotionally absent.

Suggested MC at one time and he told me we didn't need it. Asked his help with cleaning living room (mostly his stuff) told me to hire someone. But that doesn't work if the owner of the stuff isn't present to direct.

When trying to have a conversation he is defiant (think ODD) regarding almost any subject. So I pretty much don't say anything. He is a hypochondriac. Occasionally he cooks but I am the clean up crew. He is totally unmotivated. He has no friends. I am concerned he will get worse as he gets older. He is 64 now.

He will retire next year and I am concerned about it. It is depressing enough dealing with him now, can't imagine him being home all day.

I don't want to leave because I have a lot invested where we are since I have a small business and my equipment is here. House is paid for.

Divorces are expensive and take years to recover from financially. Since I made more money (and still do) I would be concerned I would have to pay him alimony.

When I married I was guilty of having faith and believing in the person. They said they were changing jobs, had some goals, working extra hours, etc.

It all turned out to be a lie.

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Change the way you speak to him
by: Elliott Katz

I coach men and am the author of a relationship advice book for men called "Being the Strong Man A Woman Wants: Timeless wisdom on being a man" -- translated into 24 languages.

Men tell me they withdraw because their wives are too critical.

Think about what he needs to hear so that you will get the response you want. Avoid criticizing him. Try praising him and showing appreciation for what he does.

Don't call him a teenage boy. That is insulting.

Accept that he may do things differently than you would. You may see a big difference.

Wendy: Thanks Elliott! Great advice.

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