Yesteryears Parents Lost In The Darkness Of Old Age.

by Charles Palmer-Allen
(South Africa)

Within this modern day and age, it is strange how the dark memories of yesteryear comes to light in one's days of old age.

As per my quote; "The loneliest elders are the kindest. The saddest elders smile the brightest. The most damaged eldest are the wisest. All because they do not wish to see their adult children suffer the way they do."

These true words in memory of my wonderful mother who sadly passed away when I was but 10 years old, pulls the tattered cords of my saddened heart.

Memories of how my single struggling mother was viciously tossed aside by family, living a tear filled lonely, sad and painful life. Damaged by the cruelty of others, that eventually ended in a grave, which became a field of weeds, just as she always said it would be.

Today, if only she was still alive even at my old age, in my very own struggle, I would walk for miles to sell even my underwear to feed her. I would sleep on the hard cold floor, so that she could have my warm bed.

"Mom, my wonderful mother, sorry I lost you so soon in my young age, if only my own adult chilren would understand and accept the feelings of their old age parents too."

Comments for Yesteryears Parents Lost In The Darkness Of Old Age.

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Understand This All Too Well
by: Zenobia

Sadly, I understand this on a much too personal level. Three of my four remaining children have decided to oust me out of their lives and I was one of those lonely, over-worked, shunned by my family with a few exceptions because they used their every chance to say, "I told you so" for my poor choice for a marriage partner.

I spent many years trying to figure out what I had done wrong to make these adult children avoid me and not come around at holidays, etc...but I gave up on that.

Though it still hurts, I have learned to accept the love that I DO have and the people who DO care for me.

I live and work in a 55+ Independent Senior community and I try to love on those who have no one and help them to get the help they need through social services, etc.

It hurts and we miss our parents ( mine passed on in 1988 and 1998, but I think they would be proud of me for the effort I have put forth to live my life in joy and as much happiness as I can find and share it with others.

Dealing with Adult Children
by: Jeanette/Toronto

Adult children can be a great joy during retirement. They can also break our hearts. We have one adult son. During the past 3 months, we have watched him quit a stable well-paying job for another.

We watched as he and our daughter-in-law sold their house, bought another place, and moved to a community about two hours away. I considered this a risky move, but I kept quiet.

During this stressful period, I learned to keep my advice to myself unless it was requested, to let them solve their problems, and to give help when requested. They did ask for help caring for our grand daughter during the move!

Keeping a respectful family relationship during times of stress is difficult but possible as I hope to have a long and loving relationship with them -- regardless of where each of us live!

losses of family at a young age and my beloved father (age 97) last year.
by: diane alter

I didn't realize the impact losing my 2 aunts, 40 and 49, and my beloved, special grandmother at 72, would have on my adult life.

Memories of my father, Robert, are always in my mind, as if I'm living his life. I'm writin g a tribute to him from our talks about his childhood and upbringing as he lost his father during the flu epidemic of 1918.

My grandmother Rose remarried a wealthy man, and dad enjoyed a privileged life, becoming successful himself as an importer of supplies for stamp collectors, selling them throughout the world.
He was unusually intelligent, creative and driven.
Even in his early 90's he established a business on-line.

Two years ago, I got the terrible news that he was
failing, lung cancer making it painful and difficult for him to express his ongoing love for me over the phone from Florida. Sadness overcame me and I felt as if I no longer knew him.

The man who no longer cared about his trademark "bolo" and cap took his place. I feel as if I've lost part of myself. His wisdom and teachings stay with me.
My cousin Steve lost his mother at age 13. What a gap it must make in his life. She was very loving
and he gave this love to his students as a teacher for 45 years. He is truly a "people person".

I tend to suffer from depression, and he is my strength, as well as my 91-year-old, spirited, uplifting mother who still takes courses at her local center. I've adopted her love for knowledge and that keeps me going.

There will always be a hole in your heart, but life helps you fill it. I wish you the best and you can write back to me. Diane

by: Loyce!

Be in the moment. Dig out your talents/strengths/resources. Go forward and upward and create momentum. Continue to thrive and grow and even glow. There are opportunities all around us when we choose to free ourselves and lose the old/tired baggage and lighten our load.

by: Anonymous

It's so hard to understand what another person goes through- losing your Mom while still so young must have been terribly traumatic. I hope you can manage to explain it to your own children, so they can help you ease the pain in old age.

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