by Jane Curtis, TX
You know you are old when your childhood football hero is now doing commercials for Medicare. When your childhood crush and music heartthrob is now doing commercials for walk-in tubs.
I have been watching TV and sure enough, I was right. I passed middle age a while back. Several of the once stars and current celebrities are now appearing on TV as bald, white-haired, spokespeople for everything from hearing aids to erectile dysfunction pills.
Even exercise equipment is low key, low impact, and revitalizing. If age is just a number, why are we chasing it so hard? It is somewhat of a mental exercise still. Now we need a translator because we cannot get through a conversation without using several “letter only” expressions such as OMG (Oh, My Goodness), TMI (Too much information), and LOL (Laugh out loud)…
We now use constant phrases to express ourselves. Everything is a game-changer. Nobody is going to their first rodeo anymore. It does not matter if the hitch in your get-along; got up and left... You can always pick it up later on your way back.
The Go-Go Girls are now the Chug Chug girls. The disco ball is still around but it is in a box stored away. It does not matter if you, "jiggle just a bit", it means something is working or you need new batteries. It does not mean you forgot your girdle. Sadly, it is still important to get you lashes on straight.
Our sense of humor has also changed somewhat. Now we laugh when we arrive in a room and don’t know why we are there. Now we understand when someone has a row of canes lined up in the closet next to the different walkers. We all put our pants on the same way now… holding on to a piece of furniture.
Do you understand what all this means? We have made it.
We now have an excuse to do anything we want without retribution. We can be rude, clumsy, or even slow. We actually surprise others when they realize our minds are still working and we really do understand what they are talking about. We are now smarter than the average bear.
Pat yourself on the back, or just the shoulder if that is easier. Do anything you want with a smile. (Don’t forget to put your teeth in first.) You can be just as smart or dumb as you want to be. It is now a matter of choice. We can learn anything new. No one will listen to your advice anyway. Do whatever you want to do and enjoy doing it. You don’t have to be good anymore, just good at it. Shoot, now sex is a surprise for both of you. Just as important, no sex is a matter of relief as well.
I like retirement. It fits. It is not too big. It is not too small. I can get up for it or check it out after my nap. My entire life is a matter of choice. I choose to be happy. I choose to be sad. I choose to have pity parties. I choose to find the funny side of things. It works for me.