Military Retirement: Beyond Confused and deeply hurt

by SheShe/Florida

Reconnected with a man that i met when I was 14. I lived in Florida and he lived in North Carolina. We dated long distance for a year and saw one every single month for about 10-14 days at a time. He then decided to retire due to major knee problems and pending surgeries.

Long story short, he retired after 27.5 years and moved down to Florida to be with me because we were madly in love and we wanted to start our future together. Then, 3 months went by and out of the blue he told me to move out of our house and that he was never going to marry me. I begged him to talk to me and some how he snapped out of it.

Then, fast forward, 6 months later, after me walking on eggshells and doing everything I could to not aggravate him because I knew he wasn't transitioning very well out of the military... I came home from work. I kissed him and told him I missed him and he told me that he wanted me out and that he doesn't love me. All he would tell me is that he doesn't "see" me in his future and I asked him to explain. But he is incapable. I asked him what I did so that in a future relationship I won't make the same mistakes. All he would say is "you're smart, beautiful and sexy and you are a great person".

I literally watched him erode before my eyes within 9 months I lived with him. He can barely parent his child because he can't handle anything that looks like conflict. I.E. I caught his son stealing out of my purse and my now ex just sat there in looking down and made me handle it. Which, I did with kindness and told the kid I was disappointed and what not. But I never yelled or name called.

So, I moved out 2 months ago and when I went to his house to drop off receipts for my financial damages he caused me due to my sudden urgent breakup... he answered the door talking on the phone and he wouldn't hang up (it was personal call where he was chit chatting) and he wouldn't look at me.

I would have moved planets for this guy because i was deeply and madly in love with him. And now I can't even get him to respond to me or look at me. I have no clue where this came from but I know I'll never see him again because he has killed off his former self and turned a person I don't recognize at all. What he did was very cruel and undeserved because we never argued, and I showered him with love and affection. He was my best friend up until 3 months after he moved in with me. Then he literally dissolved. Breaks my heart.

Comments for Military Retirement: Beyond Confused and deeply hurt

Click here to add your own comments

Military Retirement
by: Dave in Mason

Don't blame yourself! You didn't do anything to alienate your former boyfriend and there's nothing you can do to win him back. He woke up one day and decided he wanted to live a life free from the responsibilities of a relationship. It was very harsh the way he let you down but be thankful this didn't happen a year or two into a marriage. Let him are much better off without him.

by: June, Georgia

Not your fault. I met and married a man who was widowed 6 months, as well, he had just retired from a job where he was a GOD. I had been divorced for 17 years.

Wonderful when we were dating but two weeks after we were married, I became the enemy. I was blamed for his grown children's problems and any and everything that went wrong in his life. We moved 9 times in the 5 years we were married.

I left the marriage with very little. He had millions, but brlieve me the money was not worth living in that hell for one minute.

So don't blame yourself, pull it together and carry on. You cannot figure out CRAZY.

Doesn't Know What He Wants
by: John A. / Tyler, Tx

Rejection is always a tough situation to face. This man clearly doesn't know what he wants if he discounts you in the way that he has done to you.

Perhaps you should look at your current situation as a blessing in disguise.

If he can turn on you in a heart beat, then there are other issues that have nothing to do with you, yet impact you, that must be dealt with in his personal affairs. PTSD could be on of those issues that could take years to resolve or deal with constructively.

Suggest cutting your losses and move on since I sense nothing good coming out of trying to resolve the issues. You deserve being treated fairly and he has not done this to you.

I know PTSD well from my Vietnam days. There will always be demons lurking around the corner and you don't want to be part of that problem since he has not dealt with the issues.

Military Service
by: Joe W.

You might want to see if he has any symptoms of PTSD after military retirement. Check out the symptoms by Googling PTSD.

Joe W.

Military Retirement
by: Sherry/ NC

I am so sorry this has happened to you, but only time will heal.

He needs to go to a psychologist and you do to separately.

I am a christian and I know that God works in mysterious ways, trust God. Pray and trust God he will help you. You are not suppose to be with this man! I would never trust him again because he could treat you the same way again.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Military Retirement Anxiety.