Retirement and the Remote Control

by Texas Jane
(A lake South of Dallas)

The TV remote control is a necessary evil nowadays. When I was working; I watched the news in the morning and at night then finished the evening with a sitcom or two. The remote (after my last husband died) was always in the same place.

That all changed when I retired.

I have found it in the kitchen, the bathroom, and of course under every piece of furniture in the house.

You see… as a retired person… who lives alone… somewhat alone…. I eat when I want and sleep… when I want. I finally broke myself of the habit of carrying it into other rooms. But I could not seem to stop it from traveling when I was asleep. I did not have to be asleep long before it made it’s way to remote heaven… I thought. The sleep walking remote started suddenly and lasted for about ten days.

I ordered new ones each time, on line. Then one day… my DVR wore out and the cable guy had to bring me a new one… with a new remote.

The nice young man rolled his eyes when he saw I had my remote control tethered to my TV tray in front of the sofa. I started to explain and he just waved me off and said, I know some of you seniors do crazy things with remote controls.

He had already met Baby Girl, Sweetie Pie, and Fredie. Fredie was dancing a jig at both ends trying to get the guy’s attention. Sweetie Pie was trying to kiss him. Every time he bent down to connect a cable into the new DVR she licked him on the cheek. He wiped his face and said "geeese". Sweetie Pie is a 150 pound gray hound who must have been a photographer in her previous life. Every time someone says “cheese”, she smiles at them. When she smiles she looks like she is getting ready for a snack. It frightens most people. Very few offer their hands to be kissed. Baby Girl is barking her head off, behind me. When she sees him holding a remote-- she got very quiet.

I told the young man that my dog was a remote thief. He laughed at me, and said, “Sure Lady.”

Kids who think they know it all, bug me no end. I told him to finish programming the new remote and then just sit in the chair and be very quiet. He started to argue and I gave him my “I’m not kidding” look and he did as I asked.

I quietly put the remote on the TV tray, and stretched out on the sofa and closed my eyes. Baby Girl very quietly stepped over me, snatched the remote, and ran to the back bed room. The guy started laughing. I went and got my new remote and he watched as I tethered it to the TV tray in front of me.

I made the mistake of playing with the dogs as I was crawling all over the floor looking for the first remote that had slipped out of my hand while I was napping. I had also given Baby Girl a treat for picking it up for me when I dropped it on the floor. It did not take her long to associate treats and attention with a traveling remote. I found her “remote heaven” after I had bought four remotes, purchased several “remote finders” that did not work, and gone looking for something else in the back bed room.

When I was working there was no problem. My husbands all had their own little quirks about the remote. But when I retired, living alone?

I was so glad when I found them buried with a few other things I had been missing… I gave Baby Girl a treat and some attention when I found them… Why? So, she will continue to put the things she takes in the same place. It is working so far.

How many times have you lost your remote since you retired?

Comments for Retirement and the Remote Control

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by: Irwin

Good one Jane.

Remotely funny
by: Carol K

Hi Jane, your story was very funny and gave me a chuckle to start my day. I can just picture the greyhound trotting off happily with her new 'toy'. ha ha

Remotes are aptly named!
by: Sheila / Cambridge ON

Maybe if 'they' changed the name of 'remote' to something like 'chair friend' they wouldn't get lost so easily!

Thanks for the laugh. :-)

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