Still Raining (adult children at home)

by John

Stepdaughter and the 20 year old daughter are still living with us. The other daughter graduated and moved back in with dad. The three were sharing a single room. The room (and garage) are filled with stuff. They are hoarders (20 stuffed animals for a 20 year old as example).

Neither stepdaughter or her daughter have worked. They spend their time in the room on their devices doing what I don't know. I so want to shutdown our wifi.

We are not helping them, we all need counseling.

Wendy: p.s. This was a reply to: When it Rains, it Pours. John could use the wisdom of others here. What do you think?

Comments for Still Raining (adult children at home)

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Going Crazy
by: John

Can't talk my wife into setting boundries. Her daughter is a hoarder as well. The garage is packed, they are renting three storage (another storage unit has been closed for non-payment).

I need an RV!
They are adults - give them 30 days notice
by: Michael - Upstate NY for the summer!

You are an adult and entitled to your own space and privacy. All are over 18 and should get jobs and move out.

To be on the safe side, give them 30 days notice - required in most states for people who can consider themselves tenants even if they are not paying rent.

If these adult children won't leave, you may have to file eviction notices to get them out.

The best thing that parents can do is to raise their children to want to visit as adults, but then to leave.

And, as my Nana (who lived to 95) always said, "if possible, parents should not live with their children." And, she never did.
When Adult Children Won't Leave Home
by: Bernard Kelly - Geelong

this is a fascinating modern dilemma for certain parents - but it's only a mindset, and there are solutions.

But who exactly is the problem - the parents or the kids? And is it just one exasperated parent, or both?

Now as a volunteer psychologist, my best suggestion (that would generate an outcome) is that the aggrieved parent harness the passion and become an advocate for all those other similarly-aggrieved parents out there.

The parents would start with a social media campaign - there will be a local Facebook group that the parents can join - and build a tribe. The core belief of the tribe is that the stay-at-home adult children are tenants.

And then (depending on the goals) they would then convene a meeting of the tribe in their kitchen. Effectively the family home would become a zoo, including a tour of the kids' bedroom.

Of course the parents will be blamed for allowing such a situation to fester, but the adverse publicity could well result in (a) a book deal (b) the kids leaving home (c) total fracture of the family unit.

Shakespeare wrote about family conflict in King Lear. So while human nature doesn't change, an update would be appropriate, don't you agree?

cheers

Bernard Kelly

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