Transition Avalanche

by Debra S. Elston
(Washington, DC, USA)

So....I fell in love with this great guy and we enjoyed traveling together. I was already considering and planning retirement a year before we met. I live 3,000 miles from the guy who I considered the "love of my life" and we were in discussions about what post-career might look like. We are both very independent people.

The day before I retired from a high-pressure executive position, he broke up with me saying he needed more space. I told him I needed to cut off communication while my heart healed. A month later, my niece sends me a photo of him and his new squeeze on a weekend trip.

First, I didn't have my job to give my life structure and I was debating not retiring right up to the minute I walked out the door for the last time. Two weeks before I retired, he and I had taken a fishing trip together and he had told me he was crazy about me and loved me as much as ever.

Second, I had worked for 27 years in the same field and climbed the ladder only to feel lonely and often misunderstood and wrongfully judged. It was time to leave, knowing that I had contributed and made a difference.... My career years existed of work and work. Not much of a personal social life. I wanted to find who I was outside of my work and the title that went with it....and, after all I was HAPPY with the "love of my life."

Third, I had purchased a second home near my family as origin and kept my city row home as an airbnb. Decisions about what to keep in the city house and what to move to the four-square house in the mid-west has been organized chaos, at best.....there are 2,000 miles between the two houses.

I had an airbnb manager all lined up and that did not work out... now, how to get the house cleaned and ready for the next visitors is causing anxiety when I am out of town.

Fourth, my health and wellness needed some attention after long hours at work and in front of the computer...I slept with my ipad and phone by my side. My first surgery was two weeks after retirement.

Then, four other medical procedures followed in the next few months. I am still not out of the woods.
These are the four pillars of my Transition Avalanche. I wake up with my heart pounding and a tightness in my chest. I am looking for "HOW" to mend my broken heart from being dumped. I am struggling with where I belong. I am overwhelmed with doctor visits and what city should I seek medical treatment. I feel disconnected from everyone and everything.

I know that I will be fine....but, that does not change the fact that I am in the throws of massive transitions.

Comments for Transition Avalanche

Click here to add your own comments

by: Roadrunner13

It took me years to get over losing the best job of my life. I worked there 18 years and the job changed me as a person. I learned so much and was given so much responsibility. I was the person everyone came to for one thing or another. The company shut down the facility in my town. I could have moved to another state but my Mom was here and didn't want to move.

From that job, I dragged home all kinds of books and files that were from seminars and things I attended. I had it all in a roller suitcase for at least 11 years and for some reason couldn't part with it. It finally got tossed. So many memories. Transition is tough.

Letting go is tough. Time will heal but each of us has to mourn our losses differently. You lost a loved one to another person, but lucky it happened before marriage. Just shows what a snake he was.

I had a High School romance and he broke off with me to be with another girl a bit younger. I was heartbroken as a teenager and it was in my Senior year. Just before I graduated, I started dating a guy and a couple of years later we married. Have been married since 1973. The creep who dumped me in HS got married to his girlfriend right after she graduated, had a baby, got divorced and gave up his rights to the baby. I am SOOOOOOOO glad he broke up with me! I have the best Hub!

Take care of yourself! Like they say there are plenty of fish in the sea!

One step/day at a time
by: Nancy

You can't do anything until your health clears up. That is the priority. And all those other things are HUGE, but with the type of work you did, you were used to doing it all (sleeping with your IPAD and your phone!), so no wonder this is a challenge for you. Sorry about your ex. What a jerk. I wish you all the best.

by: Elna Nugent Mass

Dear Debra:

It almost seems as if your body is insisting on quietude and calm.
You have been on quite a chase through the years even as you have learned a great deal. Now it may be time to learn about you .

What if "everyday" you would write a page or two of what you are going through "both good things and bad" ". Each day would be like a short chapter of your present life.

Whether you realize it or not, you are probably in a new learning curve that may be the most important one. You will look back on this challenge you are in and recognize" Wow, Look what it taught me".

We're rooting for you. Many blessings.

Breathe Girl, Breath Deeply!
by: Wendy

Just my two cents...

The guy you loved obviously wasn't a great guy after all. Please Please consider yourself LUCKY -- he could have married you, got his name on your assets, whatever. You are so lucky to still "have it all"...

Most of us always struggle, to the last minute, with the retirement decision. It's a big life change. You felt wrongfully judged and stressed, right? For your life, to gain back your health, it was time... give retirement time to work itself out now.

Your mind is likely full of confusion and fear -- even without the two homes, breakup, and medical issues. Retirement alone will do that. Give yourself a break!

Close the AirBnb if you must. Temporarily.

Heal both your mind and body -- heck, heal your heart now too. Give yourself TIME..

Best Wishes!

If you'd like to chat, please schedule a free call... simply 30 minutes to think it all out, verbally.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Anxiety and Depression.