Retirement Depression: what happened?

Just depressed...

Just depressed...

This page about retirement depression is full of stories written by visitors to this site.

These stories all ask the same basic question, after retirement... "what happened?"

We have retirement plans, or dreams, or even simple ideas on how things will happen post-retirement. Then something changes, life happens....

Read on!

Comments for Retirement Depression: what happened?

Click here to add your own comments

Retirement Depression
by: DT

I can associate with all of these comments. I’m never in my wildest dreams thought retirement would be so difficult and being single and retired is very difficult.

Someone said the lack of social connections - which careers provide us with - is extremely depressing. This is true.

I still work remotely for my former boss, but miss the hustle bustle of New York City and the energy it generated. I think the tech age has cocooned us.

My family does not understand and am getting tired of my whining - don’t blame them.

I’m three years into this and it is not getting better. Just waiting to die.

Wendy: Check out the WORK in RETIREMENT area of this site. Larry is now expanding to help others connect better.
Retirement
by: Chris

I was forced to retire when not ready by CCG pulling the plug on my nursing service. I could have taken another job but totally uninterested in it as was planning to retire in 18mths with my husband. Now I find myself lonely depressed and no friends with husband still working and not understanding . I feel I am just existing and waiting to die.
Stupid
by: Laura canada

I don’t know what to do. I retired out of the blue as I was going back to work after Brest Cancer. Now I’m afraid.
ANY GOAL IS BETTER THAN NO GOAL
by: Anonymous

When I was younger, working hard, and busy with job, family and friends I could not understand why a friend would always make such a big deal about a weekend getaway.

However, now that I am looking a retirement and my friend has passed away, parents passed away, no kids and what few relatives I talk with at Christmas for 1 hour, I have nothing in common with.

My retirement looks very bleak. However, now I understand about making goals, no matter how small. A goal for the day, a goal for a weekend getaway, a goal for what you could accomplish for the year.

New friends may be the most difficult part if many over 60 don't want new friends or have just given up.

Wendy: You might want to check out the Retirement Community here... find new online friends (and maybe someone near you too)! Click on the image in the right column.
No job, No Life!
by: Twice Retired

I was forced to retire after 22 years with the federal government and 20 years with the U.S. Air Force. I worked diligently for 42 years and my job became my life.

I got a sense of life from winning awards, job traveling, job relocation, and working. I devoted 125 percent into working, never thought about friends, hobbies, or family members; my job accomplishments were my first priorities. I was making sure that I would be financially stable when I was ready to retire.

However, I never dreamed of my health being a factor. Now I'm retired (forced due to health reasons), I realize that I failed to put any efforts into friends, hobbies, or family functions.

If I had devoted the same toward those things (friends, church, hobbies, etc.) as I did my financial stability, I would be happier now. Basically my job was my life!!!!

Now, no job, no Life!!!

I'm the poster child for "Not having a Life" I'm completely lost and do not know what to do. Its very difficult to get through each day and its been 3 years, 4 moths.
Forced retirement for workaholic
by: Workaholic

Mary, in describing your husband you just described myself and my own misery. I loved my job. It was my job that kept me on my two feet and nourished my self esteem.

Now, at 65 and in forced retirement I feel that I don't exist. Decades of working as a successful public servant and the self-satisfaction it brought to me and my family are all washed away because of my age.

The difference between your husband and myself is that my wife is not the caring and understanding person that you seem to be.

She thinks I am purposefully hibernating and in self-denial, although I try to explain to her how and why I feel useless. So, that puts me in a double-stress position.

Time may still be on my side but to put up with all this is no easy feat. Leaving home and just getting away from all the pressure may be a way out, but it's just not feasible.

Wendy: Dear Workaholic -- Retirement is not for everyone.

Maybe just maybe you are one of those people who need more... maybe you need to work part-time, for social reasons. Maybe you could start a blog to help others in whatever field you worked in , after all, you have a lifetime of experience to pass down.

Don't let your wife do this -- she doesn't get it if she is one of those retirees who retire and never look back.

Get OUT of the house, help your neighbor, get a part-time job, do something and like NOW...
First Hope, Then Reality
by: Cybele

For me, retirement was something to look forward to. I was very optimistic when I retired. I would have lots of time to do the things I always wanted to do ... travel, visit friends, write a book I started years ago.

But what I didn't expect was the lack of social connection. Trying to find connection, and not being successful for years has been a rude awakening.

No intimacy, no passion, no love, no sense of belonging, no one to share great experiences with, no embrace, not even laughter or a cup of coffee comes easily. Oh, I can share these with myself - but that is not as fun as having feedback in a shared experience.

I took a vacation by myself and visited a museum. I just wanted to share my awe at a particular exhibit. I turned to an older women standing near me. She looked at me as if I was stealing her purse and moved silently away. I shrugged off my hurt and moved on.

I used to frequently travel by myself for work. I would at times, invite myself to sit at table with another lone traveler for dinner (we all had that "look"). I've had a few interesting conversations that way. No more.

Are we such a fearful society, one the doesn't trust strangers that we live in isolation by design.
I was not prepared for the shunning. Totally unprepared and as a result, my hopes for an enjoyable time in retirement have changed to depression at it's isolation and being unwanted.

The reverse side is also being viewed as a potential grandmother substitute "baby sitter" by a younger woman who I barely know. Talk about stereotypes.
Thanks!
by: Anonymous

I really appreciate your suggestion, Tracy, and I agree that might help. Also, I'm happy to report it has been slowly getting better and the shock has worn off. We're moving ahead and making choices that would have been impossible a month ago, so thanks so much for the site and your help.
Go for a walk and do some exercise
by: Anonymous

I felt pretty low when I retired, but I found exercise, especially long walks beneficial. Also do yoga. Exercise certainly helps. Good luck.
Forced retirement for workaholic
by: Mary

I am so glad I found this site. My husband, who has always been a type A personality was just laid off at age 65. He was the only person laid off, which means it was personal, and/or age related. He had planned to work for as long as he could physically do it.

He has no real hobbies, is not entrepreneurial, and his whole life was his job, and his self esteem was directly related to his job and salary.

Now that that is gone, he is so depressed, doesn't want to get dressed or take care of himself, and the simplest routine tasks have become monumental. His appetite has decreased, and he rarely wants to leave the chair and tv. As his wife (I still work, but from home), I am watching this huge transformation from the front row.

I need some help with this and for him. He was a computer guy but in management for a lot of years. He's not a therapy kind of guy so talking him in to that is pretty hopeless...

What are the chances he will 'wake up' one day and move on? Not only is he depressed and miserable, but I'm fighting to be positive in this environment of negativity.

Wendy: Hmmm.... he needs to know it's NOT just him. So many others face this, but it seems everyone thinks its only them.. not true.

I wonder if you printed a couple of pages from this site, with personal stories like his, and just leave them by his chair. MAYBE he will go online to read more, or even leave his own story...

Bottom Line: Oddly enough, I think he might find some odd sort of comfort in knowing many are being downsized out, forced into retirement... and yes, we do survive.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Anxiety and Depression.

Retired, What now???

by Steve Zenz
(Milwaukee, WI USA)

I just retired from teaching/playing music last July. I am 59 and have worked since I was 14.

I really looked forward to my freedom but now feel lost. I never really had any hobbies. All I knew was work and survival.

I have a safe teachers pension but can't use my 401K due to the economic downturn. I'm learning how to live on less money, cannot sell the big family house and my wife is resentful because she is still trapped in the working world.

I really don't know what to do. Going on a diet consisting of tofu and celery and walking around the block with the rest of the geezers doesn't sound like much fun.

At this point the "golden years" don't seem that golden.



Wendy's Comment: I hear you... people always think about the financial issues of retirement, but they don't think much about what to do AFTER you retire! I often use this at the beginning of my Pre-Retirement Planning Programs:

Most folks spend more time
planning for a two-week vacation,
than they do for retirement...
(and the retirement years can be a period of time as long as you have worked).

You need to do something -- part time "fun" work, volunteer, find a hobby. What did you do before your "teacher/married guy" years? (grin!) Did you have dreams of doing something? Take a class -- learn photography, painting, join a gym, start a monthly lunch get-together group with other retired teachers... get busy!

p.s. Ever consider a website? Make an income while you write a purely informational site?

Comments for Retired, What now???

Click here to add your own comments

Retirement doesn’t have to be boring or lonely
by: Anonymous

Get out and enjoy not having to work !

Enjoy life travel, make new friends, re connect with old friends, do things that make you happy !
What about your Music skills?
by: Gail/Fresno, CA

Dear Steve:

I was looking at what you did before retirement, which is teaching and playing music. Do you realize how many people wish they had that skill? Maybe you have had your fill with music, but if you haven't, there are things you can do to give back.

For instance, I play the piano once a week at a Veterans Home. It is basically hymns, but they join in and sing and seem to love it. And, yes, I only do this once a week, but maybe it could be that giving back your music can possibly give you a great feeling because music makes people smile.

Think outside the box on how you can fill your life with filling other people's lives with your music. You never know until you try.
Gigi
by: DT

You sound awesome! Thank you. Sounds like you arranged a life "menu" of things to choose from.
feel useless
by: seriosly depressed

Moved to it's own page so that retirees can help you...
Retirement Depression: My Step by Step
by: GIgi

Hey, I retired and did the following steps to help with the blue Mondays or when everyone else went back to school, except me.

Just think of the advantages... School life is so stressful and teaching is the most stressful occupation next to air traffic controllers. I have been on sabbatical for the past year, retired one year and have had some down times.

I have taken the following steps and it helps, but my aunt had a great statement when I said I might go back to work... She said, ?You can't fail at retirement"...

So here are my steps:

1. Start a business... mine is a gourmet jam and art business called The Snow Buttercup Company.

2. Volunteer... I volunteer at Amarillo Botanical Gardens and The Texas Parks and Wildlife.

3. Travel... I have been traveling all year and recently started adventures of hiking and climbing all the Rockies in Colorado.

4. Start a hobby... well; I started taking professional jazz and classical singing lessons... Love it... And I bought a new baton and started twirling again. Taking up classical baroque flute and possibly the harp..guitar!!

5. Join a club... I joined Amarillo Master Gardener Program, Amarillo Herb Society, and Master Naturalist Program of Texas. And Aerobics at the First United Methodist Church

6. About money... well I am in the same situation, but am learning to budget on less. Shop at thrift shops and eat all organic...
AT home... Plus make your gifts for people!!

7. Do what you loved to do when you were 10.... What was that? Mine was archeology, medicine, twirling, sports, hiking, riding bikes, swimming, and designing clothes for my paper dolls ( now I am sewing again)... making a quilt for my college age son, out of his old T shirts! And tie dying...Designing my own clothes and making them!

8. Visit your grown kids and try to help them as they travel on the fast track. I was on the fast track for many years, now the fast track will just have to do without one less rat!!!! HA!

9. Exercise: I took up skiwalking. Go to skiwalking.com to find out about it. Latest craze in Europe. It burns 800 calories per hour and when it snows in the Texas Panhandle, I plan to take up cross country skiing..

10. Meditate, pray, and set goals... Set new goals, write your biography, and start your bucket list. I recommend meditation tapes by OSHO. It guides you through your problems and also helps you to realize your dreams.

Finally we have to Go for it.. We don't fail in retirement do we? No Failure!

Have fun.. get busy living or get busy dying.. La Dolce Vita.. Live the Sweet Life!!!

When skies are gloomy, when troubles coming to you, take a happy attitude, and sing!

Best regards -- GIGI
In the same position
by: GIgi

Hey, I retired and did the following steps to help with the blue Mondays or when everyone else went back to school, except me.

Just think of the advantages... School life is so stressful and teaching is the most stressful occupation next to air traffic controllers. I have been on sabbatical for the past year, retired one year and have had some down times.

I have taken the following steps and it helps, but my aunt had a great statement when I said I might go back to work... She said, ?You can't fail at retirement"...

So here are my steps:

1. Start a business... mine is a gourmet jam and art business called The Snow Buttercup Company.

2. Volunteer... I volunteer at Amarillo Botanical Gardens and The Texas Parks and Wildlife.

3. Travel... I have been traveling all year and recently started adventures of hiking and climbing all the Rockies in Colorado.

4. Start a hobby... well; I started taking professional jazz and classical singing lessons... Love it... And I bought a new baton and started twirling again. Taking up classical baroque flute and possibly the harp..guitar!!

5. Join a club... I joined Amarillo Master Gardener Program, Amarillo Herb Society, and Master Naturalist Program of Texas. And Aerobics at the First United Methodist Church

6. About money... well I am in the same situation, but am learning to budget on less. Shop at thrift shops and eat all organic...
AT home... Plus make your gifts for people!!

7. Do what you loved to do when you were 10.... What was that? Mine was archeology, medicine, twirling, sports, hiking, riding bikes, swimming, and designing clothes for my paper dolls ( now I am sewing again)... making a quilt for my college age son, out of his old T shirts! And tie dying...Designing my own clothes and making them!

8. Visit your grown kids and try to help them as they travel on the fast track. I was on the fast track for many years, now the fast track will just have to do without one less rat!!!! HA!

9. Exercise: I took up skiwalking. Go to skiwalking.com to find out about it. Latest craze in Europe. It burns 800 calories per hour and when it snows in the Texas Panhandle, I plan to take up cross country skiing..

10. Meditate, pray, and set goals... Set new goals, write your biography, and start your bucket list. I recommend meditation tapes by OSHO. It guides you through your problems and also helps you to realize your dreams.

Finally we have to Go for it.. We don't fail in retirement do we? No Failure! Have fun.. get busy living or get busy dying.. La Dolce Vita..

Live the Sweet Life!!! When skies are gloomy, when troubles coming to you, take a happy attitude, and sing!

Best regards
GIGI

WOW! What a great post, Gigi!! Thank you! Wendy
Retired, what now?
by: Anonymous

I understand your lost feeling and the lack of funds that you expected to have.

I guess we just have to identify areas where we can feel we contribute - easy to say, but when you are depressed it is hard to think of things.

Also my retirement has coincided with the down summer time when nothing is happening and good friends are away.

I hope your wife realizes that this situation isn't forever and that she is helping a lot by working.

My friends at my ex-place of employment all envy me, but I feel envious when I hear of the challenges they are facing and their plans to meet them, whereas I am no longer allowed to contribute. TO add to all of this, ex-colleagues call me for guidance, as I supplied a lot in the past and I can't really do much for them, as I no have the power I did while an employee.

Wendy's two cents: Thank YOU anonymous! It only takes one persons words, to suddenly hit home for the intended... and make sense to their retirement, the rest of their life! I hope you find your own retirement peace...
Steve: Retirement - What now? Volunteer with AARP.
by: Anonymous

Hey Steve,

You had a head start on me. I didn't graduate
from the University until age 57. Before that it
was just jobs, or training for jobs.

After that I began my career as Editor of a new senior paper (5 years) and Director of a senior volunteer program (6+ years.)

I was 67+ when I retired and I was already doing what I wanted to do - volunteering. I had been recruiting volunteers for positions that sounded interesting to me and I applied for a position with AARP on retirement planning.

Thus I was learning and teaching at the same time. AARP paid my expenses to travel to the nation's capital, California and other states. Now each state has its own office and training is pretty much in-state, but I volunteered for AARP/VOTE for a few years and then I was an elected delegate to travel to the annual convention in Minneapolis.

An entire hotel was reserved for delegates. Al Gore was keynote speaker that year and I sure enjoyed my front row seat.

One year I volunteered as Tax Aide and attended a week of IRS training to get ready to help seniors at one of the sites.

AARP advised me of a fellowship and I was chosen to attend a Senior Issues Week in WA DC with Close Up.

I volunteered with AARP/WA 15 years before I moved and now I'm with AARP/OR. When they call us to meetings, lunch is provided and mileage is reimbursed. Conferences or events that last more than one day, include our lodging.

If this appeals to you, contact your State AARP. They can use your expertise.

Elinor Nuxoll, OR

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Anxiety and Depression.

Retirement: From Extreme Noise to Deathly Quiet

by Joy
(North Carolina)

I am a retired high school teacher. I worked for 39 years teaching and loved most of it. But the last 4 years were very trying.

I found out I had breast cancer for the second time( first stage and very treatable) and had to retire. For the first 18 months I was focused on treatment and I had lots of attention. haha.

Then when all the treatment was over, it became just me, retired, home alone, in a town where I had few friends,(if you are not from here you are not from here, ya know?) and my husband is still working. I also have no relatives near.

I am going through something I have never experienced. I don't feel sorry for myself. I know millions would love to be me.

We have enough money, our health and a wonderful marriage. So why I am I so depressed and anxious?

Some days I want to just sleep all day. I do cook, keep a pretty clean house, wash the clothes and do my favorite thing- read history.

But this anxiousness is killing me. I am a spiritual person and I seem to have lost my God consciousness during this time.

I feel like what you mentioned before is true- I am grieving for the past me. But I am a wife and Mother, and that is a blessing. I try to keep a grateful list daily, but I think in the end I am just going to have to ACCEPT. The good old Serenity Prayer.

I wanted this, retirement,I got it, and now I have to accept and learn to enjoy. Lastly I KNOW I need to exercise. That too will happen one day.

My family Doc and friend told me I am not alone in these feelings. I am on 50 mg of Celexa. It has helped with the anxiety. I know I need to live in the NOW also.

And I do a good bit of volunteer work. Think I feel some undeserved guilt also.

Thanks for letting me tell my story.


Wendy: Joy - I think you are close to ending your depression.. I really do. You have spirituality, you have all the answers within yourself, you just need to grieve the loss of your previous life.

You don't need Extreme Noise --
too stressful for most anyone!

You don't need Deathly Quiet either --
silence can be bad if the self-talk is too loud.

You need Joyful Noise!
Please find some great spiritual music that moves you! Turn on a Christian radio program, or Christian Music - let your soul come out of the
dark it finds itself in.

I think you sound ready...
I pray you find yourself soon!!

Comments for Retirement: From Extreme Noise to Deathly Quiet

Click here to add your own comments

To Sharyn
by: Joy

Sharyn, I have 2 dogs and a large wooded lot. You are right. I need to get out more and exercise more. I do not have a place to walk as I live on a busy country road, but I do have a school, my former school, with a track near by. Exercise is my big goal. Thanks for your support and suggestions. Believe me my dogs are great company since my husband has 1 more year to work.. Thanks again!

As for the meds, I feel it is what I need right now. Depression runs in my extended family- 2 suicides. And I don't think I will need it permanently- just to get me through this change. I don't like unnecessary meds either.
TOO MUCH
by: Sharyn~~~Waterloo

TOO MUCH MEDICATION !! GET OUT OF THE HOUSE MORE ~~DO MORE WALKING ~~ GET A PUPPY ( IF U DON'T HAVE 1 ) GOOD FOR U AND GOOD FOR THE PUPPY** JUST SAYING* OR MAYBE A KITTEN TO LOVE & CUDDLE IF U DON'T HAVE ALLERGIES ~~~WHY NOT~~~ U HAVE TIME FOR ONE OR THE OTHER !!
Thanks Wendy
by: Anonymous

Your comment was spot on. I don't know who you are, but I feel you have spirituality and wisdom. I hope my post helps someone also.

Tonite I finally realized that I was feeling guilty because I was not perfect. LOL I don't keep a perfect house, don't cook perfect meals, but I do enough well for it to be acceptable.

I am just not the world/Russian guru anymore. Time to become whatever I am to be in this stage of my life.

I think that will be Joy the volunteer. My husband seems happy with me as does my daughter and I feel my God consciousness coming back. I am so glad you have started this website. Hope to see others who can identify with my feelings ans know just to stop struggling and accept.

I truly feel acceptance of the NOW is the key and is where God wants me to be. Thanks for your kind words.

Wendy: Who Am I? I write and own this website... fun fun! If you want to connect with seniors, try my senior pen pal network. Just click on the smiling "Friendship Here" image in the top right column and register!!
OVER 55
by: Anonymous

Look into some over 55 communities. Either close to where you are or on the other side of the country.
Pen pal?
by: Kathy

Joy, my heart goes out to you. If you need to talk I would love a new friend. I am 67, married live in NC also.
I am near Raliegh. Grandmakpc at aol.com
Maybe we could be a blessing for each other? I hope so
Hoping to hear from you. Kathy

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Anxiety and Depression.

"So now what?"

I couldn't wait to retire, hated my job, it was so constricting, hours were weird and the stress level was high.

But now, retired for almost 6 months, I find I don't even want to get dressed in the morning, some days I spend all day in my night clothes, on my computer or doing cross word puzzles.

I stay up till one or two in the morning and sleep till nine or ten (when I can sleep, that is).

What's wrong with me?

I yearn to get out, see nature, smell the ocean air, but can't seem to bring myself to do any of it.... anyone else feel like this?

I'm 62, female, married, but feel so old sometimes.

Wendy: Please Please join my Retirement Transition Group (just online emails). There are lots of folks just like you.. and we are working our way through the transition period. There IS a good life awaiting you, just not there yet! You just need to figure out who the new you is...

Just email me on the Contact page to the left -
or find the group on the Online Groups page!

Comments for "So now what?"

Click here to add your own comments

Retired, So Now What? Live
by: Anonymous

tomorrow go out, get in the car and drive, put gas in and drive, sleep in the car, when you have had enough, maybe 100 miles, maybe 6 months, stop, buy a coffee, and then come home, this is your life, only by being away, can you appreciate what you have.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Anxiety and Depression.

Retirement: Is That All There IS?

by Lore V

Lore wrote this in response to another Retirement Depression post on my site, but I wanted to highlight her own post so that others might help her too! -- Wendy



John A, thank you for making me feel like I'm way off base in how I feel. I too am dealing with depression and anxiety since I retired 3 years ago at age 57 in order to take care of my husband.

We live on his Veteran Disability and my pension, so we too have enough to pay the bills but not too much more. The retirement I'd thought would be one of traveling, taking up a hobby that I'd never had time for just isn't going to happen.

I had good jobs but when hubby got sick and then the economy tanked, we lost most of our savings. I remember the old Peggy Lee song "Is that all there is?" and now understand it.

We were unable to have children, so that avenue of people to visit is not there. I feel alone and know that no one has my back as my husband has physical and psychological disabilities, so it all falls to me. He has been ill for 10 years and before that I had taken care of my mother for 23 years after a massive stroke.

I feel guilty for feeling this way, but had good jobs and they made me feel that I accomplished something/helped someone, and the "friends" I had at work have all now disappeared without so much as an e-mail.

If anyone has some answers/suggestions, I would deeply appreciate them. John A, hang in there, as you have company out on the limb.

Comments for Retirement: Is That All There IS?

Click here to add your own comments

Is that all there is??
by: pat in upstate NY

Retirement is a "bittersweet" time.
My husband was diagnosed with some health issues a few years ago. It really devastated us.
I did not want to retire but did so to be able to spend more time with him as he retired first.
It has been difficult. We just sold our house to downsize to something more manageable and to hopefully...enjoy life more.
I live in upstate NY...would love to talk more to you if you want.
"hang in there".
Reactions in life
by: Ricado

As I might have eluded to in an earlier post....it is not WHAT HAPPENS to us along the road of life, but rather how we RESPOND to it that makes all the difference in our journey!
retirment
by: marths

i am only 56 years old and work part-time not yet ready for retirment anytime soon. my husband is retired and he loves it so much, spends a lot of time on the computer. i am paying off bills write now and would love to retire but I am going out at 65 and 2 months.

I dont think my body could stand working any longer then that I am, on feet 6 hours a day, we what to traval but the bills are holding us down but I have paid off before retirement.

I was raised in Michgan my parents are still living but they are up in there aga they live in the city of madison, Height and we plan to go up there as my husband was raised there but have not every seen a hole lot of the state.

My husband is a shy person, dont keep friends long. I have a lot of friends at times. I feel my husband is depressed, he says there not a thing wrong with him but I see it he can get very up set very easy. But I am going to say to the doctor, when i see him next week, I what him checked when he goes for his yearly in november, run some test on him. I no that i am write and maybe they will do something for him.

I hope the people that are retired and taken care of there husband can get the help they can it can be very hard. I took care of my mother in law for 2 years and never got a thank you from my husband family.
What a difference a day makes!
by: Lore V

I found this website late at night, hoping to find an explanation of why I was feeling so depressed and anxious and adrift.

After reading John A's comment and then others, I began to see that I was looking at my new life from a cockeyed perspective.

In my case, retirement was sudden, unplanned and early. It was taken so that I could care for my husband. I think that I felt that I was merely trading the stress of my job for the stress of again being a caregiver.

What I have learned from all of you is something that I had forgotten - retirement is a gift.

It's a reward for a lifetime of hard, stressful work. My mom had a massive stroke at age 50 and was permanently disabled as a result. My Dad was diagnosed with lung cancer a few weeks after his 61st birthday and passed away 4 months later. As a result, I had always vowed that I would retire as early as possible, since neither of my parents had been able to do so.

OK, so here I am, a caregiver again, but this time with the freedom of the time to do it and to also maybe squeeze in some fun things.

Instead of feeling guilty about not working hard/accomplishing something tangible each day, I've just realized that now is my time to do what I want to do, whether it is sewing, gardening, taking rides in the country, taking photos of the beautiful scenery here in upstate NY or just watching the grass grow.

This is MY time and I've made the choice to take care of my hubby and in return he has given me the gift of being able to retire and leave a very stressful job.

I guess it's all in the way I look at life, and sometimes the forest gets in the way of seeing the beautiful sunset.

Take care all of you, God bless and try to look at life just a little differently and maybe you too can find the peace and happiness you so deserve!

Wendy: WOW, Lore, that's amazing! I am so humbled that my website and all the folks who post their thoughts here helped you this quickly!
Absolutely fantastic!! Thank you for posting again!

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Anxiety and Depression.

Retirement: We dreamed a dream.. but it didn't work out

by Sandy
(Illinois)

We had planned to return to our love of camping and travel once we retired.

Both of us planned an early retirement and we got it, sooner than we wanted after some health problems. I had surgery and received an unexpected Cancer diagnosis. He took early retirement then but within 3 months after, was blind due to a reaction he suffered from a new medication he was given.

Shattered dreams and lives turned upside down... it all came so quickly. Lots of problems ensued. I am ok now but he is still blind and always will be.

Wendy: Wow.. that's a rough story. I processed disability retirements for many years in my former working life, and nobody expects it.
The retirement transition can be difficult when its a voluntary retirement, but when its a disability with health issues on top of the transition itself, it's downright devastating.

I do think you sound good... look forward to a great retirement despite your setbacks. Get some tape/cd books from the library so that both of you can enjoy them together.

Give hubby time to work things out. He can do plenty still, just needs time to figure it all out.

p.s. I have a Retirement Transition email group if you'd like to join us...

Click here to post comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Anxiety and Depression.

Now what?

by Sandi
(Idaho)

My Dad died in 1997, I had breast cancer in 1998, and divorced in 1999. I bought a little house in a smaller town, got a job and waited to die.

Well, praise the lord, I didn't, but after 13 years of just existing I have retired at 65. I have no friends or hobbies and have been suffering from depression and anxiety about suddenly being old and so many wasted years.

I would love to sell my house and move back to the city I love, but with the market so bad here that is not possible for now. I need some meaning in my life in the meantime. I walk my dog, garden and read, BUT EVERYDAY?

Comments for Now what?

Click here to add your own comments

Information
by: James

Thanks for the information, Wendy.

Wendy: After I mentioned this book yesterday, I started to reread mine. I love it!
I wrote a new page this morning... and I am listening to Chapter 3 that I linked to... interesting stuff!

Check out: Book Review: A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose.
Head talk
by: James

I am still trying to adjust to retirement. Haven't quite made it, yet. One post retirement symptom I have are voices, conversations in my head, discussing the present, past and future; especially when I'm out walking. Might have something to do with having moved to a rural town for practical, financial reasons. Haven't really made any close friends, relationships yet. Does anyone else have this post-retirement symptom? Am I going batty? :)

Wendy: Voice in yer head, huh? Self talk is sooo hard to dismiss, isn't it? Dr. Phil, just tonight on tv, told one gal that all the negative things she believes are repeated 10,000 times a day by her negative subconscious... no wonder she Believes the Junk she Thinks!

You need to think NEW THOUGHTS or Meditate to quiet your mind...

My suggestion: Read The New Earth at the top of this page link. Buy it - Read it. It talks about that voice, I was so surprised to read that as I always thought *I* had such an imagination.. not so much! Grin!

Use the "contact me" at the bottom of the left column if you'd like to chat further...
Also had breast cancer
by: SHARON

I HAVE RETIRED AND MOVED TO A SMALL TOWN 400 MILES AWAY FROM MY HOME AND DO NOT KNOW ANY ONE HERE JUST WANTED TO GET CLOSER MY KIDS. THEY ARE SO BUSY THEY DON'T REALLY CARE THAT I LIVE CLOSER. IT IS REALLY HARD AND LONELY SO I UNDERSTAND JUST HOW YOU FEEL. THANK GOD FOR DOGS.
What to do?
by: Joe W.

Sandi,

Hi! I suggest trying out something that you love. Age 65 is the right age to find out what activities are meaningful to you. I'd say write something down on paper or on the computer and select what interests you the best. Don't worry about failure. If you are failing it's just an indication that you're getting closer to finding something you want.
Good Luck!

Joe W.

would love to be your pal
by: dar

hi Sandi, I Am Dar from Texas, 63 live in a small town and i have been widowed 9 months. i am going through a depression also so i know how this can knock one down, please let me know if you would like to start a friendship. Dar
Suggestion
by: Anonymous

Sounds like you need a change Sandi. Join Meetup and find others who enjoy walking their dogs.
Take a class or check out your local senior center. They offer lots of clubs and activities. Life is short...use it wisely and be thankful you are healthy enough to enjoy it.
would like to be a frend
by: Martha

hi there I would like to be friends with you I am 56
Martha4366 at hotmail.com
Life track
by: Anonymous

Please don't take the Life for granted. The life doesn't run on dotted lines drawn by ones own wishes.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Anxiety and Depression.